Adoptee 's Birthdays

JonesJR- please try to find a therapist who deals in adoption issues. Its important that you deal with the abandonment feelings you so obviously have. I've been in reunion for 20 yrs and have worked with various search/support groups during that time. I don't claim to be an expert-everyone's adoption story is different- but I have spoken to hundreds of adoptees and birthparents and there is one theme that resonates in all the birthparent stories I've heard: the pregnancy as a situation at a bad time in their life was unwanted - the baby was loved and wanted! You were loved. For my birthday- I both hated and loved it. I knew that it was the one day we shared and since I didn't know what my time of birth was- I would choose a different time each year to think only of my birthmom and hope that ONE YEAR we'd be thinking of each other at the same time. I did that from when I was 5 yrs old. My birthmom may not have 'celebrated' my birthday but she gave blood every year around my bday (it is inconveniently around thanksgiving ) to give life for the life she had to give away. That really touched me. What I couldn't stand is my "2nd Birthday" -the day my a-parents picked me up from the agency. My amom started celebrating it at one point with minor little gifts- not sure why- but I really hated it. That was hard- because it was also my grandfather's birthday. When I left my first husband- who was abusive- I escaped on the same date of my 2nd bday. When I married my current husband who is wonderful- we did a destination wedding and was offered a few days during a specific week to choose from- I chose my 2nd bday date so that for the rest of my life I'd have something to celebrate on that day instead of hating it.