Anyone been through this: TPR happened, birthdad is appealing. Through our STBAS's appellate attorney, we offered an open adoption agreement (2 visits/year) if birthdad dropped the appeal. He (through his attorney) verbally agreed. But DCF is saying no. They think they can win the appeal, and don't want to settle. Our STBAS's attorney says it can't happen without DCF's ok.
Our argument is that our kiddo has been in foster care TOO LONG, and appeals in our area average 18-24 months. Plus there is always the risk that DCF could loose the appeal. We want to settle, finalize, and give our kiddo a chance at a normal life. We will, of course, take all sorts of precautions with visits with birthdad. And his history suggests that he is likely to disappear anyway.
Any suggestions on what to say to DCF to try to persuade them to agree with an open adoption agreement??
I continue to be disgusted with the way the system works........
The Biological dad for my fd is appealing right now. DCFS has said no way to an open adoption, due to the type of person he is. They feel he in no way would have a positive effect on his child and would just cause problems. Biological mom tried to keep him from appealing, but he did so anyway, because he likes to argue. Now we have to wait it out, which is so frustrating, knowing he is doing it just to be a pain, he has no chance to win the appeal.
We had a similar situation...although, in our case, she wanted to relinquish...and she wasn't asking much at ALL...and they said no to her request...she ended up accepting far far less...but, it took several more months to happen! I think that is ridiculous...and honestly...my worry is that she isn't even going to do what she settled for...she just kinda disappeared...
You know, regards this:
I continue to be disgusted with the way the system works........
Amen to that! I'm actually on a trip right now, working with a group on a reform model started in Washington State. Anyone feeling like ripping your hair out, you might go look at this page, or google "The Mockingbird Society". It's an amazing concept to build a more compassionate model of foster care, which will be better for the children. It doesn't preclude adoption, in fact in the "Hub" group I'm participating in now, one single mom is getting ready to adopt 2 foster children who've been living in the Hub home. It will be *easier* for her to adopt them, because she's a part of this group.
This page has a graphic of the Hub model:
[url=http://www.mockingbirdsociety.org/the-mockingbird-family-model/]Mockingbird Family Model Mockingbird Society[/url]
It's similar to Boy's Town, which has worked for years. In cities, it's not like you all have to live on the same block, you simply meet from time to time, as monthly, like a normal support group, then connections happen, so you can do respite for each other, cheer adoptions, and so forth. Hope this makes some sense.
We have an open adoption through foster care... But only by our choice. I would never have signed an agreement, especially for the purpose of talking a birth parent out of their appeal. OA should be done solely because you feel it would be beneficial for your child to have contact with this birth parent.
Yes, he might disappear. But what if he doesn't? If you really want an OA you can do that on your own after the adoption is final.
I completely understand wanting it to be over. Ours were in FC for 4 years. And our previous kiddos are 17 and 18 now and were taken into care at 7 and 8!!!!! Yep 10 years. That should be illegal in my opinion!!!
IMHO, wait it out. TPR is very hard to appeal
Alys1:
LOVE the Mocking bird model!!!
When my little ones are older I would lI've to set that up in my area. No idea whether DCFS would cooperate?
There are no private agencies here. Which is a shame.
OP - this isn't in Worcester county, is it?
The DCYF attorney we had there was irritated that we agreed to OA. It seemed he was more into building up his win/lose record than he was resolving placements.
Can you speak with a supervisor? After all, once the adoption is finalized, its none of their business
hang in there
As of last week OA wasn't an option and now little one was appointed an appellate attorney a few days ago. We are now negotiating an OA if they agree to my terms! If not we are going to wait the 12-24 months (attorney thinks about 8 more months) for the appeal to play itself out.
Appellate attorney, DCF attorney, CW, LW, trial attorney are all working together to see if we can agree on a very limited OA as I want to do what is best for my little one. Ask to speak to your appellate attorney/trial attorney.
Hi, Massachusetts Mom---
It's my understanding of Massachusetts law that there is no legal/court-ordered option available for a binding open adoption.
So, if DCF promised anything to the birthparents in order to secure a surrender of parental rights or stop an appeal, they would be engaging in fraud.
Any contact post-finalization, in the state of Massachusetts (other states may differ), therefore is completely at the discretion of the adoptive parents.
Based on that understanding of Massachusetts law, I'm surprised that any lawyer would be pushing for an "open adoption" agreement. So, I guess, I'm just confused.
Sorry that I couldn't offer anything more useful.
My best to you! I hope things move quickly and smoothly to finalization.
Mary - MA DOES have legally binding OA. I have one; mediated through DCYF.
They can't ban you from forming one post adoption, but they can certainly refuse to have it considered while they have custody of the child
MassachusettsMom
Anyone been through this: TPR happened, birthdad is appealing. Through our STBAS's appellate attorney, we offered an open adoption agreement (2 visits/year) if birthdad dropped the appeal. He (through his attorney) verbally agreed. But DCF is saying no. They think they can win the appeal, and don't want to settle. Our STBAS's attorney says it can't happen without DCF's ok.
Our argument is that our kiddo has been in foster care TOO LONG, and appeals in our area average 18-24 months. Plus there is always the risk that DCF could loose the appeal. We want to settle, finalize, and give our kiddo a chance at a normal life. We will, of course, take all sorts of precautions with visits with birthdad. And his history suggests that he is likely to disappear anyway.
Any suggestions on what to say to DCF to try to persuade them to agree with an open adoption agreement??
I continue to be disgusted with the way the system works........
Lets hope they can win a TPR, if he's a danger maybe that's a good thing. Will they let you send pics a couple times a year.
Just a quick update: we had another round of conversations with all parties (SW, DCF atty, STBAS's atty, our SW) to no avail. In fact, our SW told us that if we "kept ticking off DCF" that they could decide that we "were no longer the best placement" for our STBAS and place him in another home. (They placed him with us a year and a half ago as a preadoptive placement.) I don't know if they could really do that, but I consider that to be a threat -- and an effective one at that. We've backed down and will wait out the appeal.
I am so sorry, massmom. That is total bs, and I am sure the sw has no kids. The dcf and das offices in this state have ludicrous policies end have few people who understand their roles! Urrgh.
So sorry to hear about that threat, MassachusettsMom, and the delay now involved in your adoption of your son because DCF won't consider a settlement involving a few visits a year. That all stinks.
DCF has so much power over placements and removals: it's frightening and wrong when they use that power to bully people into silence.
I got that wrong about no formal Open Adoption in Massachusetts: I was thinking about a friend's situation in New Jersey. Thanks for correcting me.
My best to you and your family.
Really stinks you are going through this. We did our adoption through Mass. as well. As soon as we started talking about an open adoption agreement, our DCF worker was in full support. I'm not sure if it's ok for the DCF worker to be threatening to move the child because you wont back away from wanting an open agreement?
MassachusettsMom
Just a quick update: we had another round of conversations with all parties (SW, DCF atty, STBAS's atty, our SW) to no avail. In fact, our SW told us that if we "kept ticking off DCF" that they could decide that we "were no longer the best placement" for our STBAS and place him in another home. (They placed him with us a year and a half ago as a preadoptive placement.) I don't know if they could really do that, but I consider that to be a threat -- and an effective one at that. We've backed down and will wait out the appeal.
Yes they can, if they have too.