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MassachusettsMom
Anyone been through this: TPR happened, birthdad is appealing. Through our STBAS's appellate attorney, we offered an open adoption agreement (2 visits/year) if birthdad dropped the appeal. He (through his attorney) verbally agreed. But DCF is saying no. They think they can win the appeal, and don't want to settle. Our STBAS's attorney says it can't happen without DCF's ok. Our argument is that our kiddo has been in foster care TOO LONG, and appeals in our area average 18-24 months. Plus there is always the risk that DCF could loose the appeal. We want to settle, finalize, and give our kiddo a chance at a normal life. We will, of course, take all sorts of precautions with visits with birthdad. And his history suggests that he is likely to disappear anyway. Any suggestions on what to say to DCF to try to persuade them to agree with an open adoption agreement?? I continue to be disgusted with the way the system works........
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Just a quick update: we had another round of conversations with all parties (SW, DCF atty, STBAS's atty, our SW) to no avail. In fact, our SW told us that if we "kept ticking off DCF" that they could decide that we "were no longer the best placement" for our STBAS and place him in another home. (They placed him with us a year and a half ago as a preadoptive placement.) I don't know if they could really do that, but I consider that to be a threat -- and an effective one at that. We've backed down and will wait out the appeal.
So sorry to hear about that threat, MassachusettsMom, and the delay now involved in your adoption of your son because DCF won't consider a settlement involving a few visits a year. That all stinks. DCF has so much power over placements and removals: it's frightening and wrong when they use that power to bully people into silence. I got that wrong about no formal Open Adoption in Massachusetts: I was thinking about a friend's situation in New Jersey. Thanks for correcting me. My best to you and your family.
Really stinks you are going through this. We did our adoption through Mass. as well. As soon as we started talking about an open adoption agreement, our DCF worker was in full support. I'm not sure if it's ok for the DCF worker to be threatening to move the child because you wont back away from wanting an open agreement?
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MassachusettsMom
Just a quick update: we had another round of conversations with all parties (SW, DCF atty, STBAS's atty, our SW) to no avail. In fact, our SW told us that if we "kept ticking off DCF" that they could decide that we "were no longer the best placement" for our STBAS and place him in another home. (They placed him with us a year and a half ago as a preadoptive placement.) I don't know if they could really do that, but I consider that to be a threat -- and an effective one at that. We've backed down and will wait out the appeal.