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Thankfully, Friday is almost here and you will hopefully begin to find out what direction the BF is taking. I pray he reconsiders your offer of visitation. I am so sorry that someone else is experiencing the same pain we are!
Our situation is different in that both BP's are teens without jobs, driver's lic, family and friends. The Bmom moved to our state to hide her pregnancy from her drug addicted, abusive parents. She lives in a dirty apartment with only a mattress and TV on the floor. At 18, this was her 4th pregnancy, and she is barely parenting a 1 and 2yr. old. She is scared to death of CYS taking her children from her, and even insisted on them being in the delivery room for the birth of our baby, because she had no babysitter and didn't want CYS to take them. She threw numerous tantrums and walked out of two scheduled c-sections because of this. She told us she was due in Dec, and with no prenatal care we were stuck waiting, until our agency sw finally persuaded her to go to OB in Feb.
She deliverd our baby beginning of Feb(on DH's bday), signed all paperwork, spent time with us, and was discharged. Next day as we were getting ready to leave with baby, our agency said she had changed her mind. She hired a taxi, stopped at Walmart for a carseat and got baby. We were devasted, but so glad our other children hadn't seen baby. 2.5wks. later, she calls agency and says she can't do it. We get baby.
Now 4.5mo later, she contacts BF to take baby from us. He has always known about baby, but had no interest. Now he is coming forward, not to parent, but to give baby to bmom. He lives in the worst area in our country! Drug infested, crime ridden, no job, no driver's lic, grew up with no parents. He doesn't even want the baby!
We found out he had come forward, met with our agency and lawyer next morning. We said we would fight, not because we don't respect the right of the BF but because of what we would be putting our sweet baby girl into. The BP's were shocked when our sw said we would see them in court, and we would fight! The bmom honestly thought she would get baby immediately!
Both BP's did call me that same day. We told them we fear for baby's safety, and that baby is center of our world! We waited 8 long yrs. to adopt again! We have 8 children ages 8-20, who live for their baby sister. I am putting in mildly when I say our home revolves around her! The children were so broken when we lost her in Feb, I don't know how they would ever be able to lose her again. This is our 7th adoption, and we are huge proponents of open adoption. We have wonderful relationships with our other bmoms! We were really hoping for the same with this bmom. We wanted to be a blessing and support in her life, as well.
So we now wait until end of Aug for TPR hearing. We truly hope in the meantime, the Bmom will reconsider. She doesn't want CYS coming in, or the court appointing someone to check her out. Also it is very, very likely she is lying about paternity! Our baby looks exactly like her 1yr. who she says has a different father. Either BF is father to both, or another man is father to both! She is not going to want to expose that, after hiding pregnancy for 9mo from everyone(and I mean everyone!), but the supposed BF. He knew the entire time, and our agency has sent him several letters. We were going to advertise in July, after never hearing from him. He told our agency he was in our state to see baby in Feb. At the same time, he says he never believed baby would be adopted. Yet, he doesn't know birthdate, or anything about baby and says he has never spoken to bmom until now when she tracked him down on internet.
Being in limbo for two months is unfathomable. I really want to know are they going to pursue contesting adoption, or not! Not sure how to find out!
That's my long story! Again, I'm so sorry you are experiencing a similar situation! I will be praying and please feel free to PM me whenever you need someone to talk to! Hugs!