Advertisements
I am the birth mother. My daughter was removed from my care at 18 months due to my near-catatonic depression. Because I couldn't find a psychiatrist to guarantee it wouldn't recur, she was not given back. She was adopted at five years old, after 3.5 years of weekly, blissful outings. It was very painful. The adoptive parents wrote me twice in the very beginning, then I didn't hear from them again until May of 2021, when my daughter was 17. They were having problems with her, and asked me to give them a break sometimes. By August she was living with me permanently. By December we (her, her brother, and I) were facing eviction because of her behaviour, which included buying and selling drugs from this address, and supplying my neighbour's 14 year-old stepdaughter with mushrooms, which resulted in her hospitalization. If we are evicted, we will be homeless, as I am extremely low-income, and there are literally no apartments left here or anywhere in this province (and possibly even Canada) which I can afford. I told my daughter to change her behaviour or leave. She left. I haven't heard from her since unless it's about money. She lies constantly, about everything, regardless of the (even, possibly legal) consequences for us and her adoptive parents. Most of the stories on here are about shitty birth parents, but I would really love to know that I'm not alone. I loved the child, but do not even like the adolescent. She carries a knife, thinks she's a gangster, and I fear both her and those she associates with. She is prescribed antipsychotics, but doesn't take them consistently, and mixes them with alcohol and street drugs (not just marijuana) anyway. She is not stable, loves only drugs, a grudge, and a vendetta, and hates me and her brother who, unlike me, has been assertive, thus a target for her vitriol.
Like
Share
Advertisements
I'm glad I'm not the only one with a story like this. I was starting to feel very lonely.
Mine is a reunion gone bad.We reunited back in 2004 and it was a long distance reunion for just over two years. My son and I lived at opposite ends of the country for 4 months then he moved abroad for two years. We kept up regular contact during this time. When it was good it was great but when my son was unhappy it was awful as he would accuse me of saying and doing things he had said and done. He didn't accept any responsibility for the hurt he caused even though there were witnesses. We fell out for a few months in 2006 then he got back in contact as if nothing had happened. My son said he had to come to the country due to running out of money - he was studying - to get a job so he could go back.My husband and I agreed to him moving in with us as he 'wasn't welcome back' at his adoptive parents home until he 'changed his way'. Apparently his adoptive mother had also accused him of being on drugs.My son ended up living with us for 2 1/2 years and we found out he couldn't go back to his studies as he had been kicked out due to failing his resits. During that time my son wouldn't live by our rules and ignored our boundaries. He constantly tried to play my husband and I off against each other which we wised up to quite quickly. My son refused to look for work although we did insist that he signed on for unemployment benefit. We had constant battles with him over him being in bed all day then up all night talking loudly over the internet with his friends. In the end we ended up switching off the internet at midnight then turning it on at 7 am just to get a bit of peace.Even his bedroom came a battleground and I can count on one hand how often his clothes were washed over the first 15 months. That came to head eventually when he had to go and sign on at the Job Centre. I went into his bedroom to open up the window as there was a bad smell coming from it. My husband and I had to clear the room of all the rubbish just to get to the window. We filled about 25 black plastic sacks of rubbish. That wasn't including the 2 litre bottles that he had been using instead of going to the bathroom. Those were left for him to empty and bag up.We had a talk with him about this and agreed to getting the mental health team involved. His adoptive parents were informed and they were very supportive. They had had similar problems with him but we got it worse over the bad behaviour. It didn't stop us having to go through the same again a month later cleaning his room. At that point we told him his room was being cleaned once a week and we were going to check that he did.My son ended up having counselling on his own and family sessions but his adoptive parents weren't included as he didn't want them there. We thought all was going well until my son got a girlfriend and then he reverted back to being rude, nasty, telling lies then accusing me of doing exactly what he was doing. I completely lost my temper in the last family counselling session and told him a few home truths. One of the counsellors asked him how he felt about what I said but all he would do was shrug his shoulders. It was soon after that he moved in with his girlfriend and despite him moving out on good terms communication did peter out. We met up for a meal a few weeks later and his girlfriend was in tow as agreed and his adoptive parents came along. My son would communicate with my husband for a few months but he ignored me and would only talk to me on the phone if he was put on the spot. Eventually I got a very nasty email with the usual false accusations and him blaming me for his high phone bill and him being overdrawn constantly with his bank. My son's phone bill was high because he had regularly rung his girlfriend before moving in with her and it was his fault he was regularly overdrawn. He would make online purchases but didn't keep a check on what he was spending.After his last email in Oct 2009 I have refused to contact him except for two occasions as I can't take his awful behaviour anymore. I let him know my mother died and sent him an update on medical information. The only way I would have contact with him now is through an intermediary.