Stipends

aw, thanks, feeling!!! you are always the best to me!!

The cold hard truth is that it is cheaper for the county/state to pay an adoptive family the subsidy than it is to have a child in foster care--where they pay not only the subsidy, but case workers, case worker supervisors, administrative staff, county clerks and judges to "keep up" with the case. And that doesn't even count GAL supervisors or paid GAL---or group home staff. But I do get the question. I do think the whole subsidy thing is out of wack. Some families that legitimately need extra because of their kid's special need don't get it and other families get more than what seems reasonable. But the same thing happens with other govenment funds. Look at CAP. Seriously, why does the state/county need to pay for someone to come in 3+ hours a day (the time from when your child leaves school/day program to after they go to bed) every day for "community integration"? Any system will get abused. BTW my question is why do people that do private adoption get tax credits for adopting? What benefit does it provide other taxpayers over the expenses of someone giving birth?

I have this same question. Not only for private adoptions, but also foster care adoptions like mine where the children are healthy. Because my children are classified as "special needs" due to "Adverse Parental Background", I received the full adoption credit for both of them even though they were healthy infants and could have easily been adopted without the credit. If adoption is supposed to be about finding families for children and not about supplying children for families, then shoudn't the adoption assistance and tax credits only be given to children who otherwise would not get adopted? That is simply not the case for healthy infant adoptions, whether privately or through foster care, where there are many more families waiting than children available. I would not have been able to adopt my children without the financial help, but other families would have, and since it is supposed to be about the kids and not me... I feel like a hypocrite for even questioning all this since I happily took the financial assistance and will again in a heartbeat if it is offered, but that doesn't stop me from realizing that maybe it shouldn't have been offered.

My situation blows me away sometimes. I apologize if everyone has heard it a hundred times. I was matched for private adoption with a relative from 25 weeks until she gave birth. I took the baby home, loved her and two weeks later my relative, crushed with grief changed her mind and decided to parent. This relative was a teen mother of another child less than a year old. She had little support from her estranged parents and had a methamphetamine addiction. The children are of a minority ethnicity. Fast foward 9 months later and I got a call from CPS. I am a licensed foster parent and my relatives children were taken into care. Could I take them for three months during the black out period for the rehab she agreed to go to? I could not say no. There are a lot more details in our story but long story short these precious children are now legally my babies.:love: My point is, the same child I was going to pay thousands of dollars in attorney fees and homestudy costs I have adopted through foster care. I paid nothing except a few misc expenses and am receiving an adoption stipend for them due to their drug and alcohol exposure, minority ethnicity, sibling group, and age. It blows me away the difference between private adoption and foster care adoption. I don't feel guilty taking the subsidy because I decided to try to have my own baby after the failed adoption and ended up with twins. I was not counting on raising four more children. Also-the children also went through a lot of trauma before being taken in and after with the roller coaster that is our foster care system. :mad: They have attachment issues that are hard to deal with at times and may blow up as they get older. Many problems with children do not become apparant until school age. I'm really worried about FAE due to their impulse control difficulties. I don't know what the answer is...I realize many who private adopt have many of the same issues. Believe me, I would have gladly exchanged the stipend to be able to adopt them without the two year roller coaster / anal probe we had to go through.

I think you have hit the issue exactly. I don't think a child can emerge from the foster care stsem unscathed. He/She may appear to be a HEALTHY child, but is usually a time bomb waiting to blow. How big of a blow it is is the real question. For the longest time, in my state, all former foster kids got automatic assisatance. With the recent budget issue, the purse strings have tightened. The requirements have changed.....but so have the removals of kids from the home. They are keeping kids in the home longer - could be for budget reasons. The system is seeming to take longer to term parents too. lengethening the time of exposure reduces the HEALTHINESS of the child. I know of some families who are 'collectors' of kids. They take the difficult kids cause they come with the highest stipends. That is wrong. I wish there was a way to stop that part. I have 3 kids I have adopted. I get assistance for all 3. Two have medical issues and the third was adopted at age 16.....that's a whole lot of years to undo:( I still have to work. But the kids are thriving better than expected on all fronts. I have two kids running and talking who were "never going to walk". I have a reformed cutter that is 2 years cut free. I need the stipend to help keep them HEALTHY:)

I just wanted to point out (I know it was said before) but not all kids adopted from foster care receive the stipend. My DD is DX'd with cerebral palsy (a result of a pre-natal stroke she suffered due to the drugs her mother abused). We only got Medicaid, and even that is a fight since we moved to a new state.We probably could have fought for a cash subsidy, but we can manage with just medicaid.I struggle a bit with this, because I have a biological child who is far higher needs than our adopted child...I don't get a stipend for caring for him, why should I get a stipend for my adopted child. I'm not saying people shouldn't get it...I just kind of feel weird about it (and I know I'm not the only person who does).

I totally disagree. Yes, *some* kids that have been in care have issues that may not be expressed till later, but my experience has shown that there are a lot of great kids that do *not* have serious behavioral/mental health issues that have been adopted from care. I also know kids that have issues, that quite frankly had they been adopted into different families wouldn't have those issues. I know too many great healthy happy kids that were adopted from care-in some cases years ago-to believe that all or most child that have been in care are somehow time bombs waiting to go off.

Just wanted to say I totally disagree with you. Unless you have lived with kids with disrupted attachments, prenatal exposures to drugs and alcohol, abuse survivors you can have NO IDEA the burdens those kids carry. Most kids present really well outside of the home, but do have issues in a home environment that are WAY different than what kids with no prenatal exposures, no attachment disruptions and no abuse have. To say that they don't and are "just fine" completely ignores all research, studies and information that is out there. THAT IS NOT TO SAY our kids can't have full, happy and productive lives, it is to say they are most certainly affected and needed specialized supports and dedicated parenting in ways that kids who have not experiences those things don't. LOVE does NOT cure all.

I bristle when people think my kids are not "normal" I see it as simply having a challenge. Attachment issues, anger issues from abuse and neglect, Drug and alcohol exposure...all challenges. My job is to help my children heal and adapt to the permanant challenges. I have a bio son who as a child had ADHD, exercise induced asthma, epilepsy, and some skeletal anomalies including a pigeon breast. That child is now a professional athlete, a college graduate with honors, and happily married. Like my bio son, we will work with our adopted children and give them every resourse to help them suceed dispite their challenges. The biggest hope I have for them is that they will grow up happy and productive. Sorry this is "off topic" but I had to respond to the current conversation. I can see both points of view on the subject of the burdens "our kids" face.

preach it, sister. my kids LOOK normal. when Bubba has his shoe on, no one knows about the amputation. when he's out and about, he's mostly cool and collected. at home he's getting to be the same way. he's also almost 9 and in his latency stage. i am assured by his p-doc that things will change again when the puberty fairy sprinkles him with hormone dust. he suffered a major trauma. he has attachment issues. he lost his entire family because of their choices. he was drug exposed. he lived through domestic violence. his father was incarcerated. there was drug use in the home. he was shuffled from place to place. he didn't know when his next meal would come or from where. he keeps that all tucked under his vest where no one can see--just like so many of our kids. it's not a death sentence, but it is reason to believe that he's going to need some intensive help here and there throughout his life. he looks healthy. he's cute--blond hair, blue eyes, freckles across his nose. he's smart. he has amazing stamina. i think he's going to be an athlete at least in school. he has the potential to be anything he wants to be--assuming the 10 ton weight of the past doesn't drag him down. i can love him until i burst wide open. i can provide him with as much as i can figure out to give him. it won't be enough if he lacks the resiliency and help that he needs to process it and overcome it. the subsidy did not make me decide to adopt him. HE made the difference. the subsidy, however, helps make the extra stuff possible. i really get the "i have a bio kid with _____" thing too. i have one with bipolar, ODD and other letters. when he was a child i had no insurance, no supports, no help, no options and no stipend. i did what i had to do to make sure he got what he needed. here's the difference: Sonny had me from the start. he had love and support and enough food and consistancy and care. it was hard for all of us. Bubba didn't have any of that. his support bank, if you will, started out 12 feet deep. it takes longer and more to get him up to 0. at the moment, i'd say we're well above zero. but any kind of trauma has the ability to knock him back down. that's why the subsidy. you don't always SEE the disability. if you're on the outside, you really only see what the kid needs you to see. personally i was shocked that they gave us the subsidy. i would not have changed my plans if we'd gotten zero dollars and no medicaid. but i am not ashamed to say i take that check every month. my kids get the benefits that are trying to make up for the sad start they got. will it offset the drama that may be yet to come? not on your life! but it will help me be able to travel farther to find the best doctor and pay out of pocket if i have to!

I find this discussion very interesting. My husband and I were trying to figure out the percentage of children that one could adopt from foster care with -0- special needs. The only situation I could think of is an infant taken into foster care at birth due to parents severe mental illness or developmental disability without drug or alcohol exposure. Safe Haven babies are another example. The percentage would be very low, I'm thinking think less than 5%. Children do not go into foster care unless there is a SERIOUS problem with their environment which can and does cause real damage. The damage can be healed and children can learn tools to deal with lasting problems. However, it is my opinion that most children adopted from foster care are considered special needs. edited to add a word I meant to put in

Greenrobin, Couldn't have written it better..........I STILL cringe when I read 'new-green-parents' talk about how 'they're just waiting for an older child because they need homes and they JUST KNOW their stability and love will carry those children through, etc, etc, etc'. WHY does that make me cringe? Because dh and I were JUST LIKE THAT many years ago and it simply wasn't true. These children need so much more than any type of 'simple parenting'. And that's why stipends are necessary----especially for those who've been in foster care. As for some of the reasonings for stipends with private and foster care children/babies.....I don't agree with some of them. But, overall, stipends are necessary for the betterment of the children. And it's true...that sometimes even stipends aren't enough-financially or emotionally---to help a child who's seen far too much trauma for his psyche to deal with. :( Sincerely, Linny

I couldn't decide which part to highlight and agree with most so I quoted it all. Our kids have suffered from TRAUMA that OFTEN impacts the brain. I 100% believe if anyone doesn't get why a child from foster care should be considered special needs, foster for awhile. Not just the drug exposed babies who have obvious issues, but the three year olds who bite themselves until they bleed and bang their heads when they're angry and scream full-force for 90 minutes every night without tiring. Parent THAT child and tell me there are no special needs. I have had two years olds in my home who were emotionally on the level of a 12 month old, played with baby toys, needed the attention of my 12 month old and needed the care of my 12 months old. Tell me there are no special needs there. This is not even TEENS. Now, this is NOT to say bio kids might not be born with similar special needs or private adoption or however a child comes into your life but we are adopting STATE kids, kids the STATE is responsible for taking care of. The STATE offers a subsidy because many, many, many of these trauma kids (physical trauma, emotional trauma, trauma in the womb, all kinds) would NOT be in successful families without the help. I was a full-time working parent when I became a foster parent. We were placed with a 2.5 year old with RAD. I continued to work, advocated for him, he did some healing and we adopted. Then we took an asthmatic infant on breathing treatments every 4-hours around the clock. I worked, paid daycare for two kids out of pocket and made it work. Then we were placed with our oldest's newborn drug exposed brother. Took 12 weeks of unpaid leave, returned to work where I paid for daycare for THREE kids out of pocket. When our son's adoption was finalized and it was clear he had issues that were not healed and were not going away, I quit my job. Could I have done that without a subsidy? No way. Could we have taken in and helped more kids if I wasn't home? No way. My son with RAD was homeschooled for a while, best thing I ever did. He is now in the gifted program at school and a superstar. His little brother is possibly gifted yet qualified for special needs preK. I need to be in the room with them both every minute when they are home because they have zero impulse control, trigger tempers and not a lot of common sense. Both smart, outgoing, impressive kids. On meds. Who need mom. A lot. I will never apologize for cherishing my kids adoption subsidies. You look at them or meet them and they look perfect. They are adorable. They are bright. They are talened and outgoing. But that's because of the work I put in that I couls not have put in without the subsidy. I don't CARE if someone thinks I shouldn't stay home with my kids JUST because I can thanks to the subsidy. It is the best decision we ever made as a family and I don't regret it one moment.

Not to mention...would you have been able to afford as many children without subsidies? I would not have had four children 2 1/2 years apart if they were my bio kids. NO WAY. I have two sons we are still paying college tuition for. The subsidies made it possible to adopt the children. I hate to think of loosing the kids, even worse for them to be uprooted...again! Many people who adopt from foster care adopt multiple siblings or several times. I know few foster-adopt families with one child. The couple I know are parenting extreme special needs kids who need to be an only child in order to function in a family. The last time I looked, there were not people lined up around the block to be foster parents. There is a severe shortage here, almost a crisis. We have more children coming into care than parents. They are having to ship some children out of county. :( Most foster homes here are taking in many children.

I'll be honest, the stipend did encourage us a little. It encouraged us to choose adoption for ALL our kids instead of just some of our kids. We will not be having any biological kids. Kids are really expensive. I'd like to be able to afford to care for them the way I see fit, which I don't think I would be able to do without the stipend. You know, I wish the government would distribute resources more fairly to all children, for example offer universal healthcare for all children and make state college free like public school, but until that happens I will plan my family in the way that I feel is most financially, socially, and ethically responsible: adoption from fostercare with medicaid and adoption subsidy.