At an impasse

flopshot My suggestion - Write to her - give her your phone number and ask for her number (or ask if it is appropriate for you to ring her). One thing I learned was never to assume - there could be many reasons she has not responded. -If you have read The Girls who Went Away you understand that in many early adoptions, women did not tell their new husbands about the adoption. Closed adoptions were just that - closed. I was told I could never see my son or try to contact him for the rest of his life. It would disrupt his life....and I bought into that. I had signed away all rights. Maybe your bmom needs to find the courage to tell a long held secret?? - Does she have other children? Do they know about her firstborn? Is she caught up in the family dynamics of how to introduce another sibling into the family? - Then there's her emotional state - Reunion (for me) was so exciting, but also something that really rattled my cage and I have always been a fairly measured person. Maybe she is still caught up in the emotions of it all and needs time to work through the process. For someone my age (late 50's) a letter is more personal - and instead of waiting for a reply to your letter, follow it up in a couple of months with another - tell her what you have been doing - share the good and the bad, but make it chatty. Keep the communications going so when she's ready, she has a little history of who you are and what your life is like. If I was in your shoes I think anything must be better than waiting - and waiting and feeling left out. At least this way, you are doing something positive. All hard stuff - as much as reunions are joyous and exciting, they also create tensions and indecision. I wish you well with many happy years ahead. Ann