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My son was placed with me at age 14, and adopted at 15. He is now 18. WE ARE A SUCCESS STORY.
To put it into context: My son had a rough past, though NOT as rough as many. His family couldn't take care of him. He was in a series of not-so-great foster homes. What he went through is unimaginable to me, but honestly it's mild compared to the trauma that many older adoptive children have gone through.
I totally relate to what momraine says:
momraine
Most people in my town and my church and even my next door neighbor would point to my family and say "Look they adopted an older child and they are happy and he is doing fine". They do not know the whole story. I feel it would violate my child's privacy for people he sees every day to know the truth.
We have gone through some stuff, and I don't share it even with my closest family and friends because I don't think it's fair to have them judge my son (I'm SO lucky to have my husband to share it with!). I have had minutes where I've thought, "This is NOT going to work, SEND HIM BACK." Minutes. Not hours, not days, just minuets.
But I will tell you: My son is kind. He is bonded. He loves his parent, his grandparents, his aunts/uncles, his cousins, and his pets. He is strong and kind and not-perfect, but trying. I don't know what will happen as he gets older. I know that there's a chance he'll decide we're not his parents, and seek out his birth family.
All I know is:
- My son has so many more opportunities because of me and my husband. We have given him years of happiness and security.
- My husband and I are better people because of him. He has given us the ability to love in a new kind of way.
- My marriage is stronger than ever. To see my husband be an amazing father to our son, in good times and in bad, is a feeling that I can't even describe.
I think I am a minority in that we don't have some of the challenges that a lot of parents who adopt older children face. But I wanted to weigh in, for what it's worth.