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We just sent our homestudy to be considered for an out of state sibling group (2 girls, 12 and 14).
It got us thinking about that first meeting if we get selected. What kinds of activities (games, crafts) should we do with a teenager or pre-teen during those first couple of visits? What should we talk about? Any suggestions on how to approach first meetings with older kids?
There are a lot of great things you can do with teens. If they are at your home you can make your own sundaes or pizzas or make and decorate cookies, you can play board games, walk to the park, go bowling, or go play basketball at the playground.
Good Luck!!! We adopted three older children from foster care. 2 we fostered first and one we did a straight adoption from foster care. We decorated easter eggs when he came over.
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We found that for the 1st few visits, it was better to keep it pretty low-key. We brought little goodie bags (it was right after Easter 2011) with some candy, teddy bear, and little toys. Then we brought some puzzles that we all sat around and did together and they looked at our Lifebook and asked us questions about that... :-)
Good Luck!
Congratulations! I am so happy to see your post. My husband and I are in early visits now with two sisters, 12-14. The girls' Case Manager made all the arrangements for our two visits. Here has been our experience so far:
We had made a scrapbook of our home, family, pets, and interests, which the therapist gave to the girls a few days before meeting us. The girls absolutely loved it--at each of our visits, they have asked questions about specific people or stories from our scrapbook, and they always want to see more pictures of our dog and cat.
The downside to the scrapbook is that the therapist said it made the girls much more nervous about meeting us--they liked us on paper and wanted very badly for us to like them too. I think it did add another layer of stress to them for our first meeting, but overall the scrapbook has been a very positive thing.
For our first visit, we met at an ice cream parlor and sat around chatting for a little bit. Their therapist, Guardian at Litem, and Case Manager were all there--it was a lot of cooks in the kitchen! It was very awkward and the girls were (understandably) incredibly nervous about meeting us, and we were very nervous about meeting them. After about an hour of small talk, we went to a nearby arcade and the girls loosened up with us a little bit, but were much more talkative and engaging with the entourage of adults who they have known for years.
I brought a small origami craft at JoAnn's to our first visit in case it seemed like we needed an activity, but it stayed in my purse the whole time. Still, I think it is good to be prepared.
My husband and I wrote a note for each of the girls after our first visit, and the Case Manager delivered the letters a few days before our second visit. This gave us something to talk about right away--as soon as they got to our second visit, they both wanted to thank us for the letters and tell us how much they liked them. It broke the ice right away for that second visit and set a really positive vibe.
For our second visit, I asked the Case Manager if we could do the "activity" part of the visit first so that the girls could get comfortable with us before the more intimate, conversation-driven part of the visit. This turned out to be an absolutely incredible idea--after some bowling silliness and laughing, we went to a restaurant to get dessert. After bowling the girls were very talkative, open, and downright hyper. None of us wanted to leave even though the visit had been going of for nearly four hours--the therapist nearly had to drag the girls out to her car :)