Advertisements
Advertisements
I neglected to say that we adopted our first two through was was then LDS Social Services, in 1983 and 1986. Back then, they would not allow any form of contact, no pictures, nothing. The birth mom was just supposed to go and try to forget that she ever had a baby and we weren't supposed to be able to get any feedback on her, either. With my second son's adoption, I asked the social worker if he could let me know if they heard any more from her, just so I would know she was OK. He told me that she was getting on with her life and would not appreciate me sticking my nose into her business! Before we left that area, I took a snapshot of the baby and a short letter and asked if they would keep it in their files, in case she ever contacted them some day and asked if they knew anything about him. That was refused and I was again assured that she was forgetting him and wanted nothing to do with us.
On our son's 21st birthday, his birth mom hired a private investigator to locate him. Arizona law permitted searching once the child was 21. This women I had been assured was forgetting him had this great big notebook she had been keeping for him, all those years, with pictures taken while she was pregnant, letters to him, birthday cards, etc.. That was five years ago, and we are all still in touch. In fact, I just talked to her this morning.
Anyway, it sounds like I am totally off topic, but I am really only taking it on a little side trip. The last contact I had with them was in 1987, before we moved to Germany. Four years later, after we were back in Utah, I was called to be a volunteer for both the Logan and Ogden offices. I couldn't believe it was the same agency, because so much had changed! They were not only accepting pictures and letters, they were requiring the adoptive parent to provide those! They were even allowing phone calls and face to face meetings (under assumed names). The whole attitude had changed, especially in the amount of compassion toward birth moms. I have always been so impressed that they were willing to make such huge changes, and I believe it is because they listened to the spirit and also the letters they were getting from birth moms and adoptees. It made more work for them, but they did it out of love. That doesn't mean that every case has been handled perfectly, but I know it has been a huge improvement.
On the topic, back in 1993, when I told them that we were going to buy the home study from them and pick up a baby from a different agency in another state, they were like, "Are you SURE you're getting the right baby?" Yes, I was sure, and I'm still sure! The Holy Ghost will lead us to our children, no matter where they happen to be.