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We are new foster parents, really working hard to juggle our jobs (spouse and I both work) with our first placement - two toddler girls. We worked hard to set up daycare, and that SHOULD be ok, but we have to leave work to take them to visits. That's fine too...if visits started on time. They are regularly 45 minutes late. and then bio fam wants their full two hours, so the visit lasts 45 minutes longer. This just isn't ok for us. We want them to see their family, they want to see their family. The family is loving and appropriate and clearly bonded with the girls. But we have limits on our life - we are doing as much as we can, we simply can't have visits start late and end late. We are fitting this in to our work schedule and we need to go back to work at some point. And of course if they end late, they aren't home until late, the whole bedtime routine is way messed up. And this is twice a week! Plus they have weekend visits with grandma. Which is fine, we need a rest from all this. But it's all a lot of logistics, and we can do it, but only if everything runs on schedule. I know that's kind of impossible to ask, but no wonder people don't do foster care if this is how it works. I support their RU but I can't give up my career and my job to wait to see if their mom is gonna show up on time. That's just not something I can give. How is this ok? Is this what you all deal with all the time?
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That is one thing I figured out pretty early in fostering, you are on their schedule. It can get pretty frustrating and you should talk to the CW regarding this, lay it out on the line that you need to keep your job! I know with one of our foster girls I had so much time missed while working since she had so many issues with school problems and just not taking care of herself which in turn we would be running to the Dr's all the time. I almost lost my job, in the meantime we descided that I should cut my hrs to help with her and we did. I then left my job to help. In the end it did not help and she was moved out so here I sit trying to find new work. :-) I wish you all the best!
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Being that late is totally unacceptable. IMHO, you are enabling them to continue to be tardy by waiting around. I wait 15 min, then leave. If the visit is from 4-5 and they show up at 4:15, then they get a 45 min visit instead of the hour. This is all part of making good choices on their parts. Stop being walked all over!!!Good luck!
There should definitely be some limits written in the visitation policy and it is the CW's or Visit Supervisor's job to enforce it. I would check with whoever is in charge of arranging/supervising the visits and find out if there are already some sort of guidelines in place. If so, then its a matter of having it enforced. If not then I think you have a right to ask that some limits be set and put in writing for all parties and then enforced. With my son's visitation if parents were more than 15 minutes late the visit could be cancelled. At some point during the case, because Mom was prone to cancelling at the last minute, causing lots of confusion, disappointment and anxiety for all, DCF began requiring her to call to confirm by a certain time the day before. No confirmation, no visit, and we could all go about our regular routines without disrupting the kids' days for no reason.
I agree with the pp...here, they get 15 minutes...if they show up, great, but the clock started at 2 or 3 or whatever, regardless...they are on the clock even if they have not shown...and after 15 minutes, I leave...that is what our supervising agency here does...after 15 minutes, times up...it is a missed visit. I would personally contact the cw and tell them that you will be starting to hold them accountable in this manner and then just do it. They will catch on...you cannot be expected to give up your livelihood for this...and it is NOT your responsibility to apologize to the kids...their parent did not show...and you can no longer sit and wait 45 minutes...OR if you choose to wait 45 minutes, at least deduct that from the visit...time starts when the visit was scheduled to begin. Period.
Here they get to be 15 mintues late and the clock starts at the assigned time, not when the parents arrive. I only transport when it does not take me out of my job or make me re-arrange my family's schedule so that everybpody else is paying the price. CPS transports otherwise. It seems that CPS assumes you will transport? or is it that they told you that you had to do it? If it's a problem with your job, then tell the CW you can't do it anymore. They will often get away with stuff like that until you say something.
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CaddoRose
Here they get to be 15 mintues late and the clock starts at the assigned time, not when the parents arrive. I only transport when it does not take me out of my job or make me re-arrange my family's schedule so that everybpody else is paying the price. CPS transports otherwise. It seems that CPS assumes you will transport? or is it that they told you that you had to do it? If it's a problem with your job, then tell the CW you can't do it anymore. They will often get away with stuff like that until you say something.
I agree with PP. you need to contact CW. If they don't show up in 15, too bad. If visit goes from 1-3 and they show up at 1:15, sorry, visit still ends at 3. Showing that they can make visits regularly and on time is usually a part of every bios case plan.Put down the law now before they expect this all of the time.
We wait 15 minutes and that's it and if they are late the visit still ends when it would have ended had they been on time. Do not let DSS run your time. You agreed to a time frame and that is it. If you are ok with DSS transporting (I'm not at all) can you tell the CW that they will need to transport if they can't adhere to the visit schedule?
It's really hard when you're a new foster parent to know where that line is, and know when you're doing too much. I would spell it out to them that visits start at this time, and end at this time. If you are more than 15 minutes late, the visit is cancel. Be direct, and I'd even consider putting it in writing in an email if you have their email. The hard part? They're going to be late, and you're going to have to leave and stick to it. It's about maintaining boundaries, and they're taking advantage of you. If you were late, yes it would make sense that they get that time. BUT when they're late, it's on them, not you. Again, it's really hard when you're new. I can't imagine having to supervise visits and being a new foster parent at the same time. It would be crazy hard to juggle where the "lines" are.
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I agree with everyone! I know that being new at this you feel like making these sorts of "demands" might keep you from getting further placements (I know thats how I felt), but in the end it is YOU that needs to keep structure in the day-to-day lives of these kiddos. So in order to keep that, follow the advise of everyone else who has posted. I know I did years ago and it kept me from pulling my hair out! lol. I promise you will be the better for it. Best Wishes!
We are new as well and I ditto the previous posters. This board has given me the backbone to set boundaries with the CW's. Do what is best for your job. The girls could leave tomorrow but you still need a job. One CW we have was trying to guilt me into transporting (3 days a week) and I finally said no I can't because of work. I asked the GAL about it last night and she said they transport for every kid she has. So it was the CW not wanting to work out the transport. I am so glad I stuck to my guns.
I agree with the others. The few times bio grandma was late we deducted it from her 1 hour visit. I also kept a log detailing EVERY visit. This log was presented at the TPR trial. Log contained sleeping patterns, mood, eating, diapers on backwards, etc. I logged everything, the good and bad!!
Same here. If 15 min has passed and no parents it is considered a no show and visit is cancelled. If this happens 3 times in a row visits are suspended until sw can talk to parents. After that usually parents have to show up 1 hour before visit, then I get a call letting me know if parents are there or not 45 min before visit. You need to talk to who is supervising the visits. If you are supervising you need to talk to the sw and have the sw talk to the parents regarding rules about visits. I would also talk to the gal. Good luck. I hope this gets resolved soon.
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I would never been that generous. We have a strict 15 minute policy. If they aren't there I leave with the kids. Bio mom has to call two hours ahead to confirm a 9am visit. One time she called at 1:30am and then was late for the visit but made it with a minute to spare. These are their children they need to make sure they are putting these visit first. I know I sound mean but if I can do all the work all week long to get them here and there and have meetings for them the least they can do is be there and on time.
Thanks for the input everyone. We did inquire about the agency's policy and apparently it is 30 minutes before a visit is cancelled (everyone takes public transit here and there are frequently delays, I kind of get that.) Anyway, the girls' family has been a bit more conscientious lately AND we are getting visits moved to a later time, which should also help. So things seem to be clearing up. Only time will tell, of course, but we do feel more comfortable that we aren't expected to sit there forever.