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Hello. I have a 22 year old daughter who battles with Mental Illness. To make a long story short she has recently chosen to place her three girls for adoption. They are 4, 3 and 9 months. They will be adopted by a family friend. It will be an open adoption and the adoptive mother has agreed to send us photos and updates and let us visit the children and be a part of their lives. My problem is that I have basically been their mother since the oldest was born and its very, very hard for me to have to let go. I never dreamed anything like this would ever happen to our family and I am just so sad and depressed. I know that I should be thankful that they get to remain together and that they will be with my friend and her husband and that I will get to be a part of their lives. However, I cant move beyond feeling as though they have died. My husband and I were originally going after guardianship and the girls were with us. However, due to the fact that they were our grandchildren, social services felt it was not a good placement because of our continued relationship with our daughter. So they took them from us and placed them with our friend. My whole world just came crashing down the day they ripped them from my arms. I have tried to see things from my daughters point of view. She wants her girls to have a better life than she was able to give them. I know that it is a huge sacrifice on her part and she made the decision that was right for her. At first my husband and I were very angry with her for giving them up. I have tried to look at her point of view and know that she has made one of the most unselfish and hardest decisions she could have ever made! In spite of it all, it does not remove the hurt that I feel deep inside. I would appreciate support from other grandparents who may be going through a similar situation. How did you or do you cope with it all? I have started making a scrapbook and filling it with photos of the girls first few years with us as a family. I have lots of pics of them some with us and some with their mother and father. I want to make them their own book each and my daughter is also working on a book to give to them as well as a letter that she is writing to let them know how much she loves them and why she gave them up. It just brings tears to my eyes that I even have to type this in the first place. Thanks in advance for support!
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So sorry you are going thru this! I would suggest going to a counselor. Grief is a difficult thing to handle alone. My son's bmom made an adoption plan against her moms wishes and now, 2 years later, she is so happy! She sees that we are keeping our word about contact, he is happy and thriving, and she has finally found peace. Her husband still will not even look at pictures of him. This adoption thing is a hard road to travel...I wish you luck and peace.
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Thank you so much for your kind reply. I am coming to terms with it. My husband is taking it much harder than me in some ways. He is angry with our daughter but his stems from some issues of his own. He recently found out through DNA that his father was adopted and he has been dealing with accepting the fact that the people who raised him are not his blood relation and then to have this happen on top of that it has been too much for him to accept. I can see both sides of the issue and will stand by my daughter and love her and accept her no matter what. I just miss my granddaughters, I was fortunate enough to be there when each of them was born and I got to cut the cord with the youngest and her birth is still fresh in my mind. Its hard.
I feel terrible for you and I just dont understand some things I have recently learned - painfully ! I found out on Jan 1, 2013 that my daughter had my granddaughter on Dec. 27, and was adopted by a couple on Dec 28. I never got to see or hold my grandbaby. Would somebody tell me please tell me how and why the birthmothers parents dont have any rights to avoid losing their grandchild. My daughter is young and is currently with a guy (not the babies Dad) who is no good a tnd he had made it clear in front of people he wasnt dealing with a baby. She also has a two year old that my husband have had and provided for pretty much his whole life. And then dont get me wrong, im not passing judgement but i found out today its with a same sex couple who adopted her and the father of the baby had previously been told she had an abortion, and now that he found out the truth he very much wants his daughter. Im all for adoption if its rigbt for all involved but not like this.