Recent birthmom searching for hope

I'm sorry you going through such a tough time around all this. It does get easier. I placed my daughter 37 yrs ago in a closed adoption....that was all there was to my knowledge at the time....and the ups and downs and guilt etc for the first year about did me in. In time things got better though. Give time, time to work. Your answers will come and you'll know the next right thing to do.

I surrendered my daughter in an open adoption 24 years ago, though I knew I would never be able to 'visit' her or talk to her. But I made it open in that I could chose a loving, financially stable family. I was in college at the time and the guy I had been dating (and almost engaged to) left me pregnant with our daughter. Though, I must admit, I knew we wouldn't make it long term...I don't think I loved him quite as much as he deserved to be loved. But I needed him ... and did love him. It was as if maybe I thought we didn't 'fit'. Anyway, I can understand how difficult it is to maintain contact... I was totally devastated and literally screaming inside I was so torn up... the best symbolic metaphor I can give you to explain it is that it was like your true love was there but you couldn't be with them anymore because they broke up with you and were now dating someone. I was literally so torn up that I would dream I was in an 'automobile accident' and I could see my body was ripped down the middle into two bloody masses... ugh... 24 years has gone by since then. But I lost a lot. I lost my daughter, my dreams of becoming a teacher, my fiancee, the respect and love of my own family I came from and I lost my soul. For what? Moral high ground? Baby Tigers search for missing young tirelessly in the jungle until they find them or they die. I felt that way a long time. While I am sharing this with you... I hope you think about how difficult it is for you to build a new life for yourself... with new hopes and dreams when you are stuck more than half way in with the old life and all the losses incurred. Search deep within yourself. You will find your answers. Make plans, and act upon them--daily. Be kind -- gentle with yourself. You have lived through the most difficult loss there is. And you survived it. So, live well. Find love and support from those who are running to you. Find someone to talk to. Grieve and rebuild. Know you are not alone. I have been there too. I am a new person now and I made it. You can too. Good Luck.

It is not wrong that you think about that very special time when your son was born and he was with you. You love him. Maybe some day you will tell him about how precious he was to you. I wonder what kind of open adoption you have. Do the adoptive parents allow you any visits at all with your son?

I can relate. I am 22 and a new birthmother. I have a 15 month daughter here at home with me but gave birth to a precious baby boy on 11-30-12. I didnt get any alone time with him after he was born. I didnt meet him until the 5th of december and signed my rights over on the 6th. At times I regret not spending more time with him but I felt that if I didnt it would be easier to say goodbye. I got to visit with him a few times before his parents took him home which is out of state. I am emotional all the time and get angry at the drop of a hat. I know adoption is the best thing for him and I know his parents are amazing but sometimes I cant help but be sad about it. I just keep reminding myself he will have all the things I cant give him, also it really helps me to look at his pictures and I have an about me book I have been filling out for him. I might start a journal to because the book I am doing right now soothes me and I feel so much better after writing in it. I hope some of these ideas help. Your not alone!

I was fifteen when I got pregnant, had no clue what to do, no money, no support. I had no choice but to so adoption. I knew something was wrong with my choice as soon as I made it. I waited impatiently to meet him, I just turned sixteen in October this year, I now have a job, license and car. When I finally had him July 9th 2012 I had a wonderful baby boy who looked exactly like me. I felt frozen. Now that he's six months old I developed post partum depression. And all I know is that everyday I wake up, sad and overwhelmed with feelings I am still not ready for. I get a lot of pictures every few months. I'm just so ashamed of myself because I know now that I could've done it. I wish I could start over.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I'm allowed visits and actually the aparents really want me to visit. But right now I feel so depressed and jealous and angry, I don't even think I'd be able to see my son. What if he loves her more than me? When he cries he won't reach for me. I'm so depressed about it all. Looking at pictures is so hard, he looks just like I did when I was a baby and it only makes me more angry. I feel like a very mean person, the thoughts that go through my head when I see pictures of him and his amom. I know I did the right thing, I just feel empty and lonely. Thank you all so much for your understanding, I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

I am also struggling with the anger. I find myself getting mad at the Amom and getting jealous. When she sends pictures I get angry but I don't want her to stop sending them. I cling to my music and my bible. If you believe in god this may help and if not then you can ignore it. Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.I also listen to you are everything to me by mark Shultz.

Have you tried talking with someone? Maybe your dr or a counselor? If not it will help. PPD is serious. I went through it last year and it was awful and I hated the feelings I had. If y

What you're going through is normal and it is okay for you to put yourself first for once. No matter what the reasons were for surrendering instinct was to be a mother as that's what happens during pregnancy. Instead of being a mother you're having to deal with your child being adopted. It is important that you do talk abut your feelings though.

Look at the positives. Your son will have a sibling very close in age. Also, if you have an unhappy family life it was a very good thing that you placed your child in a wonderful loving home. What a gift you have given your child, you should feel happy and proud!!! I am adopted and am so glad I was given to a family in a better situation. That is true love!