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So them putting up boundaries when some women pretend she cares about some kid despite not wanting to raise it is barging in, is unforgivable interesting. But considering you seems to think that just cause you crapped out a baby in some horror show of nature means your "connected" not suprising. In the reality, hun, your a parent if you actually love and care about the kid.
Yes she does, She's only 2 years old. When she's older she may want to know more about her family. She may yearn for it, because it's normal. You can give a child all the love in the world. But birth mom is a powerful thing. They connect, because your daughter want to have a relationship with her mom. You treat the mom bad, that may not be forgivable.
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My son is about 7 months old. His birthmom has had no contact since the placement, although we have an open adoption. I have been sending her the letters we agreed to and asking if she wants to do the visits we agreed to every time they roll around (there are supposed to be 4 a year), and leaving the ball in her court for when she is ready. She responded to my last inquiry about a visit and we agreed to a place and time. At the agreed upon time, she texted that she was running 30 min late, then she texted 30 minutes later that she was just 20 more min late, then it was 15 min, then 5 min, then another 20 min, and so on until it had been 3 hours and 45 minutes. At that point, it was getting close to his bedtime and I texted her that we had to leave (he was fine chilling for those 3 hours and 45 min, we were somewhere he likes, he's a baby so if he's getting his bottles and someone he likes is with him he's pretty much good). 15 min after that she texted "Where are you I'm here?!" I then got a butt dial from her and could hear her asking people if they had seen us and explaining she was supposed to meet her son's adoptive parents. I texted "We had to leave, I'm sorry we missed you. Hope we can see you text time."
I'm not sure where to go from here, especially because she's given me no explanation of what happened during the nearly 4 hour delay. I don't know if she was too anxious or sad about the visit, if she simply had transportation problems, if she got high (she's active in her addiction to heroin), or if there's another explanation.
Just schedule another visit the next time it's due? Reschedule this one? Change something about how we schedule it? Demand an explanation or leave it be?
I'd appreciate your thoughts.
In response to this adopter pyscho:
#14
"So them putting up boundaries when some women pretend she cares about some kid despite not wanting to raise it is barging in, is unforgivable interesting. But considering you seems to think that just cause you crapped out a baby in some horror show of nature means your "connected" not suprising. In the reality, hun, your a parent if you actually love and care about the kid."
Here, in a psychotic nutshell is all that is wrong with domestic infant adoption. I bet you yourself are an adopter who told the probably young and without many resources natural MOTHER how selfless and wonderful she was before you got your sick claws into her infant.
"Crapped out a baby in some horror show of nature". Wow. How about "bought yourself a baby in some horror show of sick greed and entitlement in a quest for a someone else's flesh and blood". That's more like it, scumbag.
I’m sorry but you’ve gotta be just about the dumbest person on earth to even say something like “crapping a child out” basically calling the child nothing as it is, and if you ever adopted I feel sorry for the birth mom and her child. You don’t crap babies out dumb ass, you nurture them with your body and feel them grow inside of you and see pictures of them for 9 months, and then for somebody doing an adoption you’re doing al of that emotional attachment KNOWING at the end of the road you can’t keep the baby you’re bonding with, wtf do you think the baby is just a lifeless thing in the womb until he/she is born, we’re animals, we have motherly instincts, well most of us do, obviously you don’t talking like somebody who’s never had a kid, when you hear your baby cry for the first time, your first instinct is to hold it and protect him/her, watch wtf you say you uneducated waste of human space. Kind of seems like somebody crapped you out. Maybe that’s why you talk and act so damn stupid behind a screen.
So them putting up boundaries when some women pretend she cares about some kid despite not wanting to raise it is barging in, is unforgivable interesting. But considering you seems to think that just cause you crapped out a baby in some horror show of nature means your "connected" not suprising. In the reality, hun, your a parent if you actually love and care about the kid.
You obviously have NO idea what open adoption really is. You should have never in no way shape or form been allowed to have an open adoption plan if this is how you were going to talk about the birth mother of your daughter. This is absolutely disgusting behavior. I AM A BIRTH MOTHER! I am on my adoptive mother's Facebook page. I talk to her regularly. We text, I post photos of my son, we comment on each other's photos, they are even coming here for a visit in a couple of months. We call the baby OUR SON because he is in fact OUR SON. I absolutely HATE adoptive parents like you. You give a horrible name to what adoption is and what open adoption is. You make it sound like it is so horrible. What you did is make the wrong decision because in your words "you were so desperate." Which is the ABSOLUTE WRONG REASON! I'll pray that your daughter never turns out like you and can actually see the benefits of an open adoption even though her adoptive mother is a horrible human being. I hope that her birth mother does stay in contact and continues to make you "bite off more than you can chew." Shame on you.
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My son is about 7 months old. His birthmom has had no contact since the placement, although we have an open adoption. I have been sending her the letters we agreed to and asking if she wants to do the visits we agreed to every time they roll around (there are supposed to be 4 a year), and leaving the ball in her court for when she is ready. She responded to my last inquiry about a visit and we agreed to a place and time. At the agreed upon time, she texted that she was running 30 min late, then she texted 30 minutes later that she was just 20 more min late, then it was 15 min, then 5 min, then another 20 min, and so on until it had been 3 hours and 45 minutes. At that point, it was getting close to his bedtime and I texted her that we had to leave (he was fine chilling for those 3 hours and 45 min, we were somewhere he likes, he's a baby so if he's getting his bottles and someone he likes is with him he's pretty much good). 15 min after that she texted "Where are you I'm here?!" I then got a butt dial from her and could hear her asking people if they had seen us and explaining she was supposed to meet her son's adoptive parents. I texted "We had to leave, I'm sorry we missed you. Hope we can see you text time."
I'm not sure where to go from here, especially because she's given me no explanation of what happened during the nearly 4 hour delay. I don't know if she was too anxious or sad about the visit, if she simply had transportation problems, if she got high (she's active in her addiction to heroin), or if there's another explanation.
Just schedule another visit the next time it's due? Reschedule this one? Change something about how we schedule it? Demand an explanation or leave it be?
I'd appreciate your thoughts.
Hi John,
I'm a birth mother and also a recovering drug addict. I appreciate the fact that you are sticking to what you agreed to for your open adoption plan. That's amazing. Personally, I know that she was probably very anxious about the visit which led to drug usage which then led to her being excessively late. In my opinion, the one thing that worked for me was tough love. The parents of my child knew it wasn't a good idea for me to be around my child while I was still using drugs. Now that I'm sober I 100% agree with that. I know it's going to hurt her and she will say she hates you but until she can get sober you should probably stop visits. You could try to do 1 more visit and see how she looks and if she shows up and determine from there what the future will hold. Continue to send photos and letters though. It won't be good for your son to see his birth mother in a bad state. I hope she gets the help she needs and gets sober. i'm sorry you guys are having to go through this.
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