Birthmother terminally ill & wants to see me

Something that might help. Take a sheet of lined paper, and write down all the things that could go wrong. From the least, to the biggest. At the least this gets them all out onto the paper, instead of spinning around in your head and stomach.Then write down what, if anything, you could do to minimize the effects of any negative results. For instance, if she lived longer, and wanted more contact, you could say that you're feeling traumatized about adoption, and can't handle it, sorry. Or whatever you'd like. You might even seek the help of a trusted friend or counselor (good one on referral), to think of options for each negative outcome, that would help you cope with it, or set up a boundary to stop it.Then write down good things that might result. For instance, you would not be sitting around 3-30 years from now thinking, "I wish I had gone." On both sides, brainstorm anything and everything that you can think of.I don't personally think that this would be disloyal to your a-mom, those relationships should be *completely* separate. But that's just *one* of a multitude of dynamics. I do think writing down the different complex dynamics should help.