Is this Frazzled Parent Syndrome or something requiring more thought?

I've been having a string of "those" days of parenting. I have two children, both adopted, aged 2 and almost 4. The two-year-old came home at ten months from a state orphanage and struggled with some major ambivalent attachment for many months. He bit, punched, kicked and head-butted me specifically in very painful ways and then screamed in panic if I got more than 10 feet away from him, month after month after month. Now, he seems to be doing pretty well, bar potty training derailed multiple times. The older child was always the one without major difficulties. She has a very intense and extremely stubborn temperament, which never bothered me because I do to. She came home at 3 months from the same sort of institution and I always figured she had come home early enough that she didn't have attachment problems. I recently went to a seminar that opened my eyes to the possibility that she too might be having attachment anxiety. She has ever since infancy had a tendency to destroy property and once every day or two she goes through an extreme period where she runs around destroying things, pulling things off of tables and breaking things in a frenzy. If she is stopped, she will simply continue with it. Nothing but a night's sleep seems to be able to break the cycle. She won't do time-in or time-out or anything of the sort without a tantrum that easily lasts an hour. She has had some jealousy around her brother, who came home when she was 2 and a half and appeared very well adjusted but not more than I would generally see as typical. In any event, the behaviors are destroying property, constant hitting and grabbing (every few seconds without exaggeration), out of control whirling, refusal to cooperate with routines (dressing, undressing), attempts to make more work for parent (throwing items needed for given task), laughing at others in distress (parents or other children) and inability to sit down and regain calm in a time-in or time-out type situation. I have read at least every type of parenting book out there if not every specific book. I've tried talking and explaining, cooperative rule setting, positive reinforcement, natural consequences, regular old frazzled-mama consequences, reward charts, taking away objects, neutral time in a quiet space... and so on and on. Every child would like more one on one attention but I think ours get more than the average. There is always a parent with them and only the oldest goes to preschool and that only twice a week and she loves it. Oddly enough the teachers report that she is a model child at preschool. I do a lot of active and fun things with both children and make time for the older child one on one, when the younger child is napping and for the younger child when the older one is in preschool. Basically, I am frazzled. I am exhausted. We have no possibilities for babysitters. While the attachment issues of our younger child are better in that I can now be within sight, rather than within a few feet, he can't be left with anyone else, so I have never had a break in years. I don't like how I am getting angrier and angrier. I'm not the fun Mama I used to be and want to be. I need to find some options for how to deal with out of control behaviors that don't just leave me constantly saying, "No, we don't hit. No, we don't break things. No, we don't tear books." all day long with no hope of progress in sight. Any advice?