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I realize that this is going to vary from person to person, but it is something that I have been thinking about a lot recently and want to see if I am making too much of it or too little of it and how we can help our child(ren).
We are AP's to a DS with an open adoption, with contact every couple of months with his BM and her family. BF has never wanted to be a part of things. We are matched in an opportunity to have another open adoption with EM and her family. EF wanted to be part of the picture, but went onto getting involved with drugs and a murder (long story), so his relationship will not be open to visits.
From what I have read, adoptees have interest in knowing about their BP for a sense of completion about who they are. For those who have had a relationship with BM, but not BF - how has this affected the need for completion?
If anyone knows about a BP's involvement in a violent crime, has this affected how you feel about yourself? I worry that DD (the match with with a baby girl) will need to figure out if her BF murdering someone impacts how she identifies herself. If that is the case, does anyone know how we could help her with that?
I also worry about DS and how he will feel knowing that his BF didn't want any relationship with him and how that will impact him as he grows, especially given how much involvement his BM has. Does anyone have thoughts on how to help him with that as he grows?
Mandy