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Hi all, My dd is 5 months old and I am trying to figure out the bes ways to explain to her that she was adopted when that time comes. I want to start something as early as possible on a basic level so that she always knows this is a part of her special story. Any tips and age you think it should be started at?
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I have heard of other aparents starting when the baby is an infant telling them their story. More to get you comfortable with telling it so when she is old enough to understand it will be easy for both of you and you are already comfortable telling it. I think it is great you are planning on her knowing her story age appropriately from the moment she can understand. Way to go!
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Like frosty said...for me it's about getting myself comfortable with the telling so when he understands words there's no awkwardness. We wrote a bedtime story (made it on shutterfly with photos) that tells the story of the day he was born and me getting a text while in the drive thru at mcDonalds with his picture and the very special lady who cared for him for nine months who picked us to be his parents. Since we have an open adoption, whenever I hear from her I talk to him about it "Mama L--- wanted to know how much you weighed at your doctor visit." There's also a photo of her and his sister in his nursery. When we name people in the photos in his room, we name her, too.
I just tell "little" stories whenever I think of it. Like how my kids got their names or how old they were when I first met them. I never met their birthmom but I think about her often - and I just share my thoughts out loud. Any number of things can trigger a memory for me and I just talk about that when it happens. As the kids have gotten older, they've asked questions that lead to longer conversations. The topic probably comes up one way or another every couple of weeks now and my kids are 6, 5, and 5. Kids just LOVE hearing stories about themselves. My DD is more interested in her adoption lately and will ask me questions out of the blue. I'm happy she considers it a topic that's perpetually open for discussion. That's what I was aiming for. My kids could have told you they were adopted long before they had any idea what that meant so I do think it's a great idea to start telling infants their story. It soaks in bit by bit. Best wishes :)
As far as what to say, I think one thing I might tell DD is what her bmom told her bio-sis: "Some ladies can't have babies on their own, so God puts their baby in someone else's tummy. Judi couldn't have a baby on her own, so God put her baby in Mommy's tummy." Seriously, when Bmom told me that (during the beginning phase of her labor), I had some tears. She did too. What a sweet way to say it. But what meant the most to me is that Bmom herself said it. That makes me feel free to tell it that way to DD. I'm just passing it along.
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I also "practiced" when DD was a baby by showing a "birth book" I put together from when she was born that shows her with her birth mom and dad, sister, etc. with us, with all of us...and then I put in the first days home with us. So I sort of told the "story" in chronological order. Also read kids adoption books to her, etc. That way it's always "known" and it just becomes part of the fabric of your lives and not an "uncomfortable" thing. Best wishes and enjoy that new baby!
my little guy is 18 month old, and smart as a wistle lol we just talk about the day he came to us, right out of the hospital, how happy we were, how excited to have him, how SURPRISED Daddy was, who had NO IDEA our little man was coming,lol so... we just talk about that, like 'good memories', and once he gets older, he will probably ask 'Mommy, tell me about the day I came to you'... and then we go from there.... I must say, I AM SCARED of the day I have to tell him he didn't come from my belly...... He only knows me as Mommy.... but, I hope that it will just happen naturally, while we talk...and as he gets older, I can answer his questions age appropriate.
We have an awesome photo book that DS's birthmom gave us a month after she placed him with us. It has pictures of her and her whole family (including birthdad b/c they are still happily together) and lots of pics of her showing off her pg belly! So I can show DS, "Here is you when you were in [birth mom's] belly!" What was extra special and sweet was on the last page of the book is a pic of DH, our bio girls, and I holding DS in the hospital with caption "Here you are with your awesome new family." How amazing is she????
jalapeno
I just tell "little" stories whenever I think of it. Like how my kids got their names or how old they were when I first met them. I never met their birthmom but I think about her often - and I just share my thoughts out loud. Any number of things can trigger a memory for me and I just talk about that when it happens. As the kids have gotten older, they've asked questions that lead to longer conversations. The topic probably comes up one way or another every couple of weeks now and my kids are 6, 5, and 5. Kids just LOVE hearing stories about themselves. My DD is more interested in her adoption lately and will ask me questions out of the blue. I'm happy she considers it a topic that's perpetually open for discussion. That's what I was aiming for. My kids could have told you they were adopted long before they had any idea what that meant so I do think it's a great idea to start telling infants their story. It soaks in bit by bit.Best wishes :)
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