I just don't know where to turn next!!!
I just don't know what to do with him anymore.. He is 9 years old and takes medicine for ADHD.

He is a chronic liar...among other things but the lying seems to be the cause of all the other arguments.

He lies about everything..then when he is questioned and confronted, he lashes out screaming and yelling. We have discussed honesty and modeled the behavior for him. The consequences do not bother him. The yelling just continues.

As a manipulation, he yells about not being loved and why did we 'bother' adopting him. It's very hurtful but we try not to react because he wants the attention for saying such things.

He is stealing things at school. He had detention last week for that...he fights on the school bus, too.

He destroys his belongings. He is still very oral as he puts non food items in his mouth (blanket, coat zipper, robe ties,etc. Negative for pica.

He sees a child psychologist weekly and he is working with him. Every day is a struggle. He fights for total control of everyone and everything.
I don't know if this is something you would be interested in looking into, but I know some people who have used essential oils for their kids with ADHD and have seen amazing results. I don't know about other essential oil companies, but I use doTERRA oils and apparently the In Tune oil has worked really well for quite a lot of people. Just thought I'd throw that out there... It's the only advice I have for ADHD and behavioral problems.
I'm not trying to advertise doTERRA oils, In Tune is just an oil that doTERRA exclusively has (that I'm aware of). Just wanted to specify that.
Does he have RAD?
Is he taking Ritalin or a derivative?
Have you considered PTSD? Your son sounds exactly like mine. My son has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD in the past. I finally took him to get trauma specific therapy and the intake worker said that his symptoms sound more like PTSD than anything else. His psychiatrist and psychologist both agreed. His psychiatrist said that in MOST kids, but not all, ADHD medications will not work with PTSD, and chances are, they will bring out more anger and aggression. She said that sometimes they will put them on antidepressants instead. She had said that PTSD has the same symptoms as ADHD in children. He has his second appointment with the doctor this Wednesday. He has been seeing his new therapist for about a month now. I have seen a slight change in his behavior. Although, he had revealed to me just a couple months ago that his father molested him. So, his anger has been on a rollercoaster ride. I would check into PTSD though.
Kochanie, where do you take your child to be tested for this?
bamalady said...
Kochanie, where do you take your child to be tested for this?

There is a counseling place near my home that conducts the forensic interviews. They have a specialized program for children that have suffered trauma. They have workbooks or something similar to help the children overcome the trauma. The psychiatrists are also specially trained in trauma with kids. I would call your local police department and ask if the forensic interviews for children are conducted at the police station or if there is a specific agency that conducts them. I would also explain that you are looking for a counselor that specializes in children with trauma. I came across them from the school counselor, that also specialized in children with trauma. I later learned that this program is where most, if not all, of the local police conduct the interviews with children. Both of my children were there for interviews for abuse.
Oh, and I wanted to add that my son is doing 95% better. All of the school workers have stated that since he was put on the medication, which is actually an antipsychotic, his behavior has improved as has his attentiveness in class. He has had a few pretty bad episodes at home with me and my daughter, his Biological sister, but all in all, he's doing so much better!!
Hi. This sounds like the 9 year old we are adopting. Sending prayers and looking for advice myself.
Does the psychologist include you in family therapy sessions? Has he/she made any recommendations to you regarding behavior management? Hopefully, the psychologist is working with you and your child. If not, you might need to seek one who will.

Lying and stealing are not symptoms of ADHD. Inattentive behaviors such as not raising hand, speaking out of turn, etc.. are symptoms of ADHD.

How do you discipline your son for these behaviors? Do you discipline him at home for poor school behavior?
I just wanted to report back how well my son is doing. He was put on a very low dose of Abilify and I also took the Love and Logic classes. I have been putting the L&L techniques to use and much to my surprise, they work!! The main thing that has been working is the technique where you sympathize with them using only one liners (such as "I know", "that's a bummer", "man that sucks"). I have to watch what my son eats because he is on the heavy side and the medication can cause weight gain. He constantly wants to eat, so I stock up on healthy snacks. I do buy some junk food, but I limit it. Well, shortly after taking the first session, he wanted junk food after not eating all of his dinner. So, I told him that there were leftovers of his dinner that he didn't eat, or he could have a piece of fruit or vegetable. He got angry and told me that he didn't want that. I just looked at him with a very concerning look and said, "I know." Then I went back to doing what I was doing. His level of anger was rising and he was saying things like I was starving him, he was going to die of starvation, and such; but I just kept sympathetically saying, "I know." He was getting really angry and I was thinking that it wasn't working. Then suddenly, he just stopped. No tears, no arguing, no more whining. He. Just. Stopped. I was incredibly amazed.

Now, when he breaks the rules or disrespects me, I slump my shoulders, cock my head and with a very concerned voice, I say, "Oh man, that's so sad that you [whatever he did], because now I have to give you a consequence. I just hate giving you a consequence." And much to my surprise, he very rarely argues with me. As a matter or fact, when I just say "oh man!" he immediately apologizes!!

Sometimes, rarely, but sometimes, when I give him a consequence, he will tell me that he's not going to do it. I just very calmly smile and say "that's OK. You have choices. You can choose not do it. Just remember, I have choices too!" Then he will say, "What, what are you going to do?" I will then say very softly and very sweetly, "Oh, sweetie, try not to worry about that. Just remember, we all have choices." At this point, he will sit and stare at me for a very short while, then he will do what I asked him to do.

Another thing that has made him feel special around the house is that I am giving him more choices about every day things. I will give him an either or choice. Both choices are things that I can live with, but he chooses which one. They are small things, like which movie are we going to watch, what are we having for dinner, what restaurant should we go to. So, I decide two things that I want, but let him decide which of the two. I am secretly making the decision, but he thinks that he is. It really makes him feel important.

I will say that the atmosphere around my house is so much better. The yelling has subsided, my blood pressure surely has gone down. I feel so much more calm. I honestly cannot remember the last time that I raised my voice to him. We did try taking him off his medication, after a couple of weeks, HE told his therapist that he needed to go back on them and that he wasn't ready to stop!!

One other thing that I've been doing with him is when he does something exceptional, or out of the ordinary, I will give him a reward. I will write down a couple of rewards on paper, fold them up, and let him choose. They are small like going to bed a little later, having a candy bar, or picking a movie for the weekend. It's small rewards like this, that show him how doing well pays off.

I would really recommend the Love and Logic. I was skeptical, but man oh man, it's wonderful!!
Consult a counseling center, they have a specialized program for children that have suffered trauma. The psychiatrists are also specially trained in trauma with kids.I am sure they will help you.
same question here, does he have a rad?
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