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Cami337
Im curious..how open can an open adoption be? and how open does a open adoption normally get? what happens if it was to be super open or not that open?
I can tell you that for every person on this board with an OA, you will get a different answer of how open their adoption is...In fact, we have 4 OA's for our 2 kids, and THEY are all different.
We're 9 and 11 years in, and if I was going to give some thoughtful advice, it would be to start cautiously and move slowly, ONLY at a pace where you're comfortable. With some work, mutual respect and a leap of faith, you will build it into something that satisfies everyone.
Did you ever have a friend where you thought things "clicked" and you got super close super fast, only to realize that maybe you should have treat lightly? That's kind of what OA reminds me of - you have these visions of what you think it will be or what you hear it will be, but ultimately reality is far different.
From experience, I can say that it is easier to start slow and work up to more openness than to go all in and have to pull back and redefine the relationship.
The most "open" we have is with our youngest son's bmom. We call, text, email, she comes to our son's soccer/basketball games, etc. and my son goes places with her without us. I've gone to her baby shower, her dad's funeral, etc. If we had something special for our family, they would be invited. The relationship extends to her fiance, their children, her mom and sister, and goes even further to her extended family. Next summer, our families are getting together for a bbq, and we may do a weekend away together.
We've built a really great relationship where we genuinely love and respect each other - but it's taken 9 years, a lot of work and a lot of patience.
Having said that, our "least" open relationship consists of our youngest son's bdad calling us once a year or so, meeting at Burger King for an hour, and that's it. We let him move at a pace where he is comfortable, and honestly, at this point that's what WE are comfortable with as well.
The other two fall in between, and even though they aren't the same, I would consider them all "normal".