How open can an open adoption get?

I have a friend who has had her daughter's bm babysit her once in a while-- VERY open adoption and it works for them. I have another friend who isn't even comfortable sending recent pics to birthparents, so she sends older pics, no straight on pics of faces, and gives a generic update (all safety related). I am somewhere in the middle. We did visits with my son's bps during the year following the adoption, but stopped them for now because of how bps were reacting to the visits. We never did visits with my daughter's bfamily, and likely won't. I send pictures and updates to everyone. There is not a big enough safety issue (both of mine are adopted from foster care) that I wouldn't feel comfortable with bparents having recent, clear pictures of my kids. Looking back on mistakes I've made-- I feel like my relationship with my son's bparents would be a ton better if I hadn't allowed them instant access to ME (via text and email). They shot off so many rude/demanding/angry/accusing emails and texts to me, and I honestly feel that if I'd had a po box from the beginning (like I do now), we'd have a better relationship because all of those angry emails would likely not have been sent as letters-- they were very "heat of the moment" type things.