My adoption story

I am 22 and have been married for 3 years. In August of 2011 I had a beautiful daughter. Shortly after I became severely depressed and it only got worse. In January of 2012 I separated from my husband and got my own apartment as well as filed for divorce. During our separation I dated a man for bit and got pregnant, The last time I saw him was the day of conception. He disappeared and when I called I knew it was him but he swore he didn't know me. I told him I was pregnant and he hung up on me. Never talked to him or heard from him again. I was so scared and upset, the only option in my head was an abortion. I had scheduled an appointment at the local planned parent hood and only one person knew of my plans or the pregnancy. A couple days before my appointment a friend dragged me to a church retreat and I was not the same. A women gave her story of how her life was changed by having an abortion. God touched my heart that night and all my anger and sadness was gone. I called my husband and told him I was pregnant, We have been back together 9 months now. The pregnancy was very rough and I had a lot of medical issues. Two weeks ago I gave birth to the most precious little boy. The adoption is very recent and I just want to talk to people who can relate to my situation. I chose an amazing couple that is everything I wanted for my baby and I know adoption was the best choice for him but I still am sad and find myself crying all the time. I have been praying a lot and writing to him about myself but I just want to feel normal again. I cant help but feel jealous of the adoptive mom.