Need help with problem almost 13 year old girl

January 8, 2013

gardensparrow

Wow-I'm sorry you're facing such a tough situation with your young cousin. It does sound like you've looked through a lot of options in handling her behavior. And, it's funny you mentioned downloading The Connected Child because I was about to suggest that. Have you had a chance to read it yet? I know it sounds like it's just for adopted/foster kids, but I've heard a lot of therapists recommend it for kids in general who don't respond to traditional discipline methods or come from difficult backgrounds. Of course, I think that a therapist is your best bet for getting to the bottom of your cousin's behavior. Perhaps if you're not having luck with this one it may be worthwhile to see if you can find someone who specializes in attachment issues? Not sure if that's the case with your cousin or not, but just a thought. Well, I'll be praying for you as you try to figure out whether your home is the best place for this young girl.

I’ve looked through The Connected Child, and the examples seem to be for much younger kids. I think it has some good principles, but I need to figure out how to apply those to an older child. But her reactions are a lot different than younger child’s would.

For example, she doesn’t ask for things. She doesn’t whine. If she wants something in the kitchen, she takes it. She is very independent and was used to being on her own because her mom worked evenings/nights.

Trying to correct her is difficult since likes to retaliate or says something like “F*** off you’re not my mom”. If I try to stand up to her, she is out the front door in ten seconds.

I’m also not really not trying to be her mom or her parent. I’m also not sure about the attachment therapy, since she’s very attached to her mom. It’s a huge loss for her being separated from her mom and I’m not sure it would be possible for her to bond with another family. She just wants her mom back.