Needing some thoughts...

So short story I was diagnosed with Severe depression after adoption. Our kids are 5 and 2 3 year olds. I have been seeing a counselor and taking medication. The problem is I still struggle with wanting my children. I love them and please don't think I don't but I don't want to deal with being a mom. I hate the fighting, bickering, mess, and work. We don't know if we can have our own kids but truthfully after adopting I don't want them. I call these kids birth control! No one seems to understand my feelings they think I am crazy my kids are beautiful and people think I am wonderful for adopting and I feel like such a phoney because if I knew then what I know now I wouldn't do it again. My family would disown me if I disrupted but I really don't know what to do. Sometimes I am so joyful in being a mom but in those other moments I hate who I am... Any advice would be appreciated thanks