Needing some thoughts...

How long have you been on meds?I felt the same way about my daughter from age 3 until age 6. I thought it was me, or her....then after she grew up a bit and experienced other people's kids, I realized 3/4/5 yr olds are awful. I'm actually looking forward to the teen years!I just kept telling myself "she won't be this age forever". It kept me sane. I also looked at her behavior from a new perspective. If it was something I could see her still doing as an adult, I allowed myself to stress over it. IF it was something she would likely abandon as she grew up, I didn't worry about it so much. Control is an illusion. You need to find her "currency", what she values most, and use it to help them WANT to behave the way you wish they would. Make it their decision unless there is too big of risk of harm.As far as the mess, I remember having too much stuff. It was too overwhelming to pick up. So when my daughter complained of it being too much, I believed her, and we decided whatever she didn't want to pick up, I would find a new home for. Every night I tell her, she only has to put away the stuff she loves. Because if we love something we take care of it.