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I agree with Kathleen.
Even after I'd done my homework, and did a lot of work untwisting the twisted perceptions I had, I still have moments when those negative feelings come up. I've found when those moments appear I do pull back in a way. It's difficult not to try to avoid those feelings. The last thing i want to do is share them with my mother, she has enough to deal with herself, it's not fair to her.
Plus I have things to do, bills to pay, house to run, have others counting on me, and they can see when "it's" bugging me, so can I. Even when it's all good, and we contact each other, it knocks me down in a way. Lots to think about I guess.
Those feelings, good and bad, change my mood, my motivation, some days I just can't go there at all and keep moving. Still. So I hide in my world until it's passed. Has nothing to do with my mother really. Those lingering negative feelings aren't in my heart, or in my mind. I know better. Not sure why or where they are hiding! That's what I am working on now. Sometimes it's easier just to be lazy about it and hide from it.
I've been doing it long enough now to know you can't hide for long.
My mom does it too, we've talked about it. So it does make it easier, lessens the stress, that we have told each other that we "get it" and will always be there for each other.
I'm determined to find more answers and explanations for this.