Attachment problems and foster kids

What she said.. I do have to say, though, that I do agree with your cousin that the rules are very babyish. If she has been largely taking care of herself, it is a huge step to ask for every.single.stinking thing. She has been adult-like in her responsibilities up until now..think about it...how would you like it if starting tomorrow, you had to ask your husband before you could make a grilled cheese sandwich? Or take a walk around the block or meet your bff at Starbux? Even though she is not an adult, she has had the role of one for a long time. But, since she is ONLY 13yo, her reactions(overreactions) could be solely or mostly because of things she feels as a personal attack of her/her abilities. My 13yo is largely independent, she can wash her own clothes whenever, has free reign of the kitchen, and can stay up as late as she wants on non-school days (on school nights she should be in bed @9:30 ish). IF she abuses/cannot handle the responsibility of these things, she gets babyish rules in that specific thing. I will take her & her friend to the zoo, and we will meet up at a specific time. Or I will drop them off at the movies or the waterpark. I am not going to hover over them, if I suspect an issue, I will check it out and adjust the hovering as needed. So, I would suggest coming up rules/expectations together, with alot of input from the cousin. She may be more reasonable than you think.