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I'm no expert, but I think if she is very bonded with her mom it's likely not attachment issues. My understanding is attachment issues are caused from LACK of bond, in the early years. Her issues are much more likely the result of poor parenting and being left to fend for herself. I don't think your rules are unreasonable ( except for the stove, my 8 yo can make his own grilled cheese) but because she is so used to being independent I'd try to come up what rules are non negotionable and what you can give some leeway on. Bedtimes on school nights are normal, Not so necessary on weekend. But, I, for one, need some wind down time after kids are in bed, even on weekends. So I might say she can stay up as late as wants but stay in her room after X time. Most 13 yos are allowed to watch R movies, I'm a little more strict in that department though. I would however, be willing to allow SOME R movies if I had previewed them and i would make her watch them in her room so little ones couldn't watch. Things like that, you can come up with compromise and still have structure.