What do you think might happen. Need advise and kinda a rant.
I usually don't put down many details of our case because I'm a bit paranoid about being identified. I need some advice and can't talk to anyone in real life about this so here it goes. I am purposly being a bit vague and leaving out obvious identifying details. Sorry so long.

I have adopted two small children from a young relative via foster care. She is acting really erratic lately which makes me wonder if she is either back on meth or maybe even mentally ill. (I know she was neglected and abused herself as a child and cannot bond with a child) I have not seen her in three months but keep in contact via phone, text and facebook. She has a new baby and is married to a man who is not the other kids dad. She fled our town after she self-reported some pretty bad stuff to a mandated reporter who then hotlined it to CPS. She fled to her husband's country. I have been worried sick since.

She has now left her husband and is in Southern California where she grew up. She was involved in gang activity there. I have not heard from her for several days. I'm worried sick she has relapsed from the stress.

Anyways, she has a history of abandoning children when she is using. If her child ends up in care what will happen? We are in Northern California. I would think the father might get custody but the truth is he was deeply involved in a CPS case here in our county with his step kids and in fact the mother picked him over her kids. There was domestic violence. I know this because I'm friends with the children's adoptive mother. It's a small town. My neice denys he has abused her repeatedly, but they have a volitile relationship to say the least. You would never know it looking or talking to him. He presents very well. He has turned her into CPS before and tried to take the baby before she left him.

If the baby gets taken into care:
1. Will they give the child back to the father with his history and citizenship?

2. Obviously, I cannot foster due to distance. To be truthful, I would not want to foster her and rip my children's heart out when/if she went home. They have been through enough! My niece has had many long, long periods of sobriety intermixed with crazy insane periods of using. She would have my children now had she not abandoned them after 24 hours of RU. My children have mild attachment issues due to their early neglect and multiple caregivers. The new baby has had much more stability, but this looks like it may be coming to an end. I would want to be a permanancy resourse for this child. Would I have a chance? I know, relative coming out of the woodwork. I would ask for placement right away, and the foster parents would know, but she is a day's drive away from us. It will not happen till goal change which could be as long as a year. Mom voluntarily relinquished my children, so no involuntary TPR.

3. Would the father's Biological family have a better chance, even though they are in another country?

4. My second choice would be Grandma. She is the parent of my first foster daughter. She is sober, and has come a long way in the past five years. Could she be the permanancy resourse?

5. Could she move back here and have the case and child moved here while she worked on RU? I might be able to do this logistically, but I still have my concerns about my kids well-being. Has anyone ever fostered a sibling before who went back to the parents?

6. If she moved back before CPS catches up with her, how much trouble will she be in for running? Assuming she is sober.

Sorry for the novel. I need some guidance.

Edited to take out a few details. Yes, I'm paranoid. lol
luvbeingamom said...

1. Will they give the child back to the father with his history and citizenship?

2. Obviously, I cannot foster due to distance. To be truthful, I would not want to foster her and rip my children's heart out when/if she went home. They have been through enough! My niece has had many long, long periods of sobriety intermixed with crazy insane periods of using. She would have my children now had she not abandoned them after 24 hours of RU. My children have mild attachment issues due to their early neglect and multiple caregivers. The new baby has had much more stability, but this looks like it may be coming to an end. I would want to be a permanancy resourse for this child. Would I have a chance? I know, relative coming out of the woodwork. I would ask for placement right away, and the foster parents would know, but she is a day's drive away from us. It will not happen till goal change which could be as long as a year. Mom voluntarily relinquished my children, so no involuntary TPR.

3. Would the father's Biological family have a better chance, even though they are in another country?

4. My second choice would be Grandma. She is the parent of my first foster daughter. She is sober, and has come a long way in the past five years. Could she be the permanancy resourse?

5. Could she move back here and have the case and child moved here while she worked on RU? I might be able to do this logistically, but I still have my concerns about my kids well-being. Has anyone ever fostered a sibling before who went back to the parents?

6. If she moved back before CPS catches up with her, how much trouble will she be in for running? Assuming she is sober.


I'm in Texas so this is probably what would happen here:

1)They would only give the baby to the father if he did not have any CPS case and could pass a criminal background check. If his name is involved in any on-going CPS case, then the baby would stay in foster care.
They do not care about citizenship issues.

2)Ask for placement today. You don;t know what CPS is doing and waiting only makes it harder. It doesn't matter how far away you are, what matters is that you are family and it is possible they would place with you. You don't know what CPS has told her(if anything) and they may be pressuring her to terminate asap.

3)No. Not to another country.

4)Yes, but she would have to be the call CPS.

5) if you mean moving to be near you so she could work a plan,then CPS would probably be in favor of that, but there are logisitcs to be worked out between counties. Not unheard of.

6)The running is not really an issue unless she put the baby in danger, which CPS would have to prove in court and that would then go into all the evidence they have for termination.

I would strongly advise you to call CPS and get your name in there asap. Foster care is so crazy(as you know) and no matter what happens, it is better to try to be involved as soon as you can. If the baby is placed with another foster family(due to distance), it gives you the ability to maybe develop some relationship with them and have some future contact for your children,especially if it goes to adoption for that family.
Thank you Caddorose. I don't know where she is and the baby are, and the baby has not been taken in yet that I know of. I will do what you say the second I hear anything. I hope and pray she is staying clean and sober. If not, it's just a matter of time.
The father's Biological family have almost no chance; the child is an American citizen with the rights of an American citizen and it is very unlikely the child would be placed with them unless they live in the USA.

If the father is involved in a current CPS case in which children were removed from his partner because he is violent (or even if that case is closed), I doubt very highly CPS would leave his child in his care. And could he be relied upon to draw boundaries with the mom?

Certainly you should make yourself available as a permanency resource. Would mom be willing to give you custody, if not sign a surrender? If she has a history of long periods of sobriety, it may be that she can get into a program and have the baby placed with her there after a (relatively) short time, and that may to everyone's benefit. Whether that is close by you (I assume mom's family of origin is where you are? and could be a support for her?), or where she is currently living will probably depend on both her preference, where rehab is available (or whatever services she needs/is required to use), and if the counties will cooperate. If it's a state case, they should be able to transfer it pretty easily.

Even if mom moves by you, I don't know that I would volunteer to foster until it was pretty clear what the plan is. If it looks like she could RU quickly (if she cleans up and stays clean, as you say she is capable of doing), you should probably steer clear, but let everyone know you are a resource for permanency. It doesn't seem worth the psychological risk to your kiddos to foster a sibling who might go away after a short or (worse) long while.

Sounds super complex; I hope you all find a peaceful way through it.
MamaPenny said...
The father's Biological family have almost no chance; the child is an American citizen with the rights of an American citizen and it is very unlikely the child would be placed with them unless they live in the USA.

If the father is involved in a current CPS case in which children were removed from his partner because he is violent (or even if that case is closed), I doubt very highly CPS would leave his child in his care. And could he be relied upon to draw boundaries with the mom?

Certainly you should make yourself available as a permanency resource. Would mom be willing to give you custody, if not sign a surrender? If she has a history of long periods of sobriety, it may be that she can get into a program and have the baby placed with her there after a (relatively) short time, and that may to everyone's benefit. Whether that is close by you (I assume mom's family of origin is where you are? and could be a support for her?), or where she is currently living will probably depend on both her preference, where rehab is available (or whatever services she needs/is required to use), and if the counties will cooperate. If it's a state case, they should be able to transfer it pretty easily.

Even if mom moves by you, I don't know that I would volunteer to foster until it was pretty clear what the plan is. If it looks like she could RU quickly (if she cleans up and stays clean, as you say she is capable of doing), you should probably steer clear, but let everyone know you are a resource for permanency. It doesn't seem worth the psychological risk to your kiddos to foster a sibling who might go away after a short or (worse) long while.

Sounds super complex; I hope you all find a peaceful way through it.


Thank you for the advice. I truly hope I am overreacting and everything is ok. Perhaps the erratic behavior has been because her marriage is falling apart? I don't know. I just hope and pray she and the baby are safe. I feel a lot better now that it sounds like they would not send her to the father's Biological family. And that they would check on the father's background before just giving her to him.

My main focus is the needs of my kids. I have committed to them and will do what's best for them. Their mother I have loved since the day she was born...this whole thing is surreal and tragic. She has so much potential...but so broken. It makes me very sad. I pray for her and the baby every day.
I can't really answer your questions, but did want to comment on the county thing ... my nephew's case started in county A but mom moved to county B and requested to have the case moved to county B. the request was granted and no one seemed to have an issue with it, so I don't think it is an uncommon thing.

Hope she and the baby are okay. Please keep us updated.
I agree with Caddo. If you license is up to date and you have room for the baby, then just give CPS a heads up that you are aware biomom had a new baby and that you would be happy to be a resource for placement "and keep all the kids together". I would include the comment that you are there, "just in case they can't place with family". I agree that they probably won't place the child out of the country. To me, that would be terribly irresponsible of CPS.

Whatever happens, I hope that you are at least considered for placement. It would be cool to have all the kids together.
Update: My niece is back in town. She is facing up to the CPS case. I hope and pray she is able to do in-home services. I feel in my heart she will skate by on the edge for this baby's entire childhood. :hissy: I just hope this baby is the last one. She's barely hanging on as it is.
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