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On another note. If that mom tries to come back in the picture, she should get a giant boot to the @$$! Shame on her and her selfishness.
This is a very sensitive and personal topic for me. I could easily be that mom.
When a woman is in an abusive environment, she is encouraged to get out of it. Unless, of course, it is her children that are her abuser. Why is that?
My daughter was trying to burn my house down to kill me. I did not want to live like that. I did not believe that my other children should live like that. I suppose I should be shamed and called selfish. Apparently a "a giant boot to the @$$" is called for.
RAD children target their moms. There is no way to know what this mom suffered through. If you haven't lived with RAD, you cannot even begin to imagine. I can only imagine the hell that she experienced to drive her to do this.
It is not easy to give your older child up for adoption. You do not simply call an adoption agency and relinquish rights. In most states, with an older child you must be proven unfit. And yes, they can take your other children as a result.
It is also not easy to get mental health services. The RTC where my daughter is placed costs about $15,000 a month. And it was a fight to get her there. And its been a fight to keep her there. She will be discharged shortly and she is no better. I have lost the fight.
Do not blame the parents. In my book, the dad is not noble for doing this. He chose disordered children over his spouse. His wife had to be a loving mother or she would not have gone through what she did. Very sad, but that seems to happen a lot with marriages of RAD parents. These children are such great manipulators and triangulators. You think you have a strong marriage - don't be sure. I read somewhere that 80% of all marriages where the couple adopted an older RAD child fails.
This dad needs to determine who can be saved and focus on that. He can't save them all.