what does baby call you?

We have always had older kids, so went with our first names seeing as the kids knew that we werent actually mom and dad. But when our first met our now adopted daughters they first thing called us mom and dad, but they were in a home where they called the fp's mom & dad.

With my girls, i got my hands slapped by my FW, which almost made me close my license. I specifically asked this question in pre-service training and was told "best practice is to let the child lead." I do not think it shows good respect for young children to call adults by their first names. So, I came up with something that the girls could call me that wasn't "mom" but it was "my mother" in another language. Well, Monkey mostly got the "my" part out, and Princess started just calling me the "mother" part. And my worker was here one time and Princess called me by that name and she was like "what did she just call you" and this is the part where I think she lied, and I just now realized that. She tried to say that bio mom complained, but if bio mom had complained, she would have already known what Princess was calling me and not had to ask! Anyway, she went on and on about how it was different for these kids because they were older (2.5 and 5) and "clearly bonded" (they weren't) with bio mom and I had no other kids in the house anyway.I was new and didn't want to rock the boat, but in many trainings, this topic came up, and when I told trainers what I was told they were all flabbergasted. As others said, kids need a mommy and/or daddy.So, they ended up just calling me Miss K.... but, they ALWAYS referred to me as their mommy when talking to daycare/classmates. And, about a year in, Monkey always came running to me "mommy" when I picked her up from daycare. I didn't correct her.This isn't hypothetical situations, it is reality. When the same woman picks a kid up from school every day and the kid calls her "Miss K..." it makes the kid stand out. The child is then "outted" as a foster child and they have to deal with all of that crud. I think Princess figured this out on her own because by 1st grade, she didn't tell anyone I was her "foster mom" she just said I was her mom. In fact, several parents had no idea. And that is how it SHOULD BE.Now, with Chubbs, since he was legal risk and a newborn, it was mommy all the way and of course the FW didn't have a problem with that one. With Blue Eyes, I refer to myself as Miss K.... to him, but he is already picking up Mommy because I of course refer to myself as Mommy to Chubbs and I am not about to change that just to make BE not call me Mommy. If they have a problem with it, they can remove him. I noticed a different inflection in his voice when he called me mommy vs when he was asking about his mommy so I think he gets it. At this point, it doesn't look like I'll be meeting bio mom any time soon so I don't see it as an issue. Get this, today marks 2 weeks in my home and he hasn't had a visit from a CW. They are supposed to visit within 3-5 days. His original CW transferred to intake. Calls to her supervisor about his clothing have not been returned as well as the call that I need his medicaid number to get his presciptions. I had to pay out of pocket for eye drops for pink eye because the CVS here, which is supposed to know how to bill the county, refused to do it. I went to two different locations! Keep in mind, 17 months ago when I got Chubbs and needed a Rx, they did it. So, luckily, one of the other meds was just an ointment I already had and the other is a refill for zyrtec which I am not even sure why he is on it. There wasn't even anything noted in his chart as to why he was on it but the doctor gave me a refill. #SMHI often think that some adults do not give children the credit that they deserve. They most certainly can understand and compartmentalize the concept of having more than one mom. And, many of our kids are not really bonded to their bio moms.

We are only planning to foster younger kids and currently have a 2 1/2 month old baby. We refer to ourselves as Mommy and Daddy and to her mom as mom because that's what she calls herself. I don't think I'd ever refer to myself as that in front of her mom if I could help it because I wouldn't want to upset her, but it's what our CM suggested. They said it's important for them to understand the roles of mother and father especially when they've only ever known you so they recommend calling yourself a different version of whatever the bio parent goes by. So since she calls herself mom we are Mommy and Daddy.

I always say, "Miss Penny" at first (my hubby is Mr. Joe), but the only ones we've had who were old enough to talk called us the same names our older, bio kids call us--Mama and Daddy. BB Kiddo is just learning to talk, and she's lived with us her whole life, so she's saying Mama and Dada. I refer to her bios by their first names. In the past I've said "Mommy Sue" and "Daddy Rick" or whatnot, but with these bios. . .they don't deserve the honorifics, IMO. I know a foster mom who has her kids call her "Honey." I like that idea, of picking a name that's special but not Mom or Auntie or similar. Having them call you "Foster Mom," strikes me as weird and possibly risking having them feel outcast. Not so important with babies, but I wouldn't want a toddler lost in a department store calling, "Foster Mom!" Another foster mom I know tells her teens they can call her by her first name, and tells them they don't need to tell their friends they're in foster care if they don't want to--they can say she's their aunt, or a friend of their parents' or whatever they're comfortable with. I think that's probably easier on the kids.

Well after 3 pages of posts our family is with the few that have always referred to themselves as "miss first name" and "mr first name". We also mainly foster little ones under 2.

We have only fostered children under the age of three. We always start out on a first name basis but almost immediately the little ones start calling us Mommy and Daddy. I believe it is comforting for them to know that they have a Mommy and Daddy in the home who on a daily basis loves them and is caring for their needs. I'm proud to fill that role for them if only temporarily. Our county is ok with this.

What TempMom said about hearing a different inflection of tone when her FS calls her Mommy vs. when he is talking about his (bio) Mommy reminded me about two girls I did respite for, who called me "Mom" from the second they walked in our door, even though they had only met me once before for an hour. But their *tone* was what was interesting--it was not an endearing "Mom." It was a title, like they were calling me "Chef" or "Sarge." I was "The Mom" and the "The" was definitely implied by their inflections! Interesting.

Your scenario is the basic concern. I guess I could be Mommy"X" or "Momma" if baby calls her mother "mom". Others on the forum have mentioned not making the word foster part of the name , publically - because it is confidential. Dad referred to us as "Foster Mom and Dad" in a letter ---but is it appropriate to drop the "foster" part at some point? If baby makes it to 14 months with us then we'd be faced with the same situation as you. I just don't want a CW or transporter looking at me the wrong way , like I'm willfully doing something harmful! :arrow: thanks!

I asked my 5 yr old FD "why do you like to call me mom", she says, " because you look like a mom, you feed me, you hug me and you tuck me in at night" When I told the CW this story, she found it quite endearing.

Generally, we've been mama and daddy for most of our placements. For other kids, Pam works though some have also turned to saying Mom. I don't discourage it though I gently let them know that they will be going to X in Y days or whatever. I've struggled with my current kids. We did tell them our names but they weren't interested. Now they are leaving shortly and I have mixed feelings. IMO, they've had too many mommies and daddies. I wish they could get forever. The one child has played with calling us by our first names. We'll see.Another fostermom has had different children call her different names, including "Ms. LastName." I think I'd prefer Aunt Pam in that situation.

My first placement set the precedent for me, which was reinforced by my third (2nd was an infant). The kids all call me Mama and their bio moms Mommy. *shrug* I just figured it was a southern thing and went with the flow. Now, I refer to any placement's parents as Mommy and Daddy and myself as Mama. When I talk to the family, I call myself foster mama and call them mommy and daddy as tho it were THEIR military title ;) I will say, though, that the kids reluctance to use my name probably had to do with the fact that it involves several sounds that are hard for young ones to master (sh, v, etc)

We always introduce ourselves to a new placement as Mr/Mrs first name. We have only had one long term placement and she transitioned to aunt/uncle after a few weeks. She has been with us ten months now and she still mostly uses aunt/uncle titles when talking to us. At school and church she usually talks about us as mommy/daddy and she will sometimes refer to us with those titles as well. We are ok with whatever the child decides to use as long as its respectful. She is the only child in our home at this time, if other children were calling us mommy/daddy at home I am sure she would of followed suit long before now. Kids want to fit in and belong.

This seems appropriate :clap: and I just found out that a fellow local foster peep does the same thing. (Young toddler FC) The FM corrects the little one if they get her nickname wrong. In training class, FPs mentioned that with elementary aged FCs, they prefer to call FM "mom" or "momma" in public ---because, this FP said....it makes them feel that they are not stigmitized and are an equal part of the family as the FPs bios.... The class trainer supported that...

I have 4 bio teens who still call me mommy. Their friends either call me Mom or Mrs. (last name) most use mom. So it is only natural for us to teach C to call us mommy and he already calls DH DaDa. I don't allow any children to use my first name it is way to weird. C will be our only so I wonder what I will teach him to call his Bio mom and dad?