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This is a place with lots of us who understand. There are certainly people on this board who have waited for placements that never happened. I know when we were waiting and it didn't appear we were going to adopt (paperwork expiring and no real desire to continue on with renewing it again)...we experienced all the things you are mentioning. It is a loss...even if it's not an actual child you are mourning. I guess it's similar to the loss experienced with infertility...it's that potential child you are mourning.
I am sorry things are not working out for you and your family. I pray you find peace with whatever you decide.