Adopting a 15 & 16 year old - a little long

congratulations on your sons! How wonderful that you are willing to open your hearts to older children and make them part of your family. I have adopted a daughter who was 10 at the time, and now her biological brother who did not come to us til age 22 (yes, you read that right). First, I would not worry too much about them not saying I love you back. They may have a hard time with the words but that doesn't mean they don't have the feelings. My daughter didn't start saying I love you back until last year - after 6 years with us! But she was affectionate and clearly bonded to us, just has a hard time saying it. She still only says it back once in a while. My son on the other hand, started saying it within weeks of coming to live with us. They're very different people. My daughter is very cautious and guards her heart. My son just puts himself out there and risks getting hurt. I think this is just their personalities and I suspect they would be this way even if they had had a normal family life when they were younger. As to this question: "Will they be adults before they truly realize how much we love and adore them?" Yes. They will, but so will your daughter, and so will everyone's kids. When I was about 18, a wise adult told me that I wouldn't understand for at least a few years yet just how much my parents loved me. He said until you're a parent, you won't understand what it is to love someone so completely. I didn't get what he meant at the time but now years later I do. Kids love their parents - but not in the exact same way their parents love them. That profound, overwhelming, run into a burning building for them feeling - they won't get it until they're much older and have kids of their own. It sounds to me like you're doing a great job with these boys and you have realistic expectations and are sensitive to their feelings and needs. They're lucky to have you.