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Gmarie, that's a tough situation to be in. I agree with RavenSong that it's not limited to adoptees/first-relatives. However, I also know that big differences along those lines can lead to serious strain after reunion, and that can make these tenuous new relationships harder to sustain. Major differences in belief have broken up marriages and caused very painful conflicts in non-adoptive households, so in cases where there isn't a longstanding shared history helping to keep the relationship alive, it may seem a lot easier just to drop the contact. Even if you didn't intend it, that kind of thing can be read by others as a way of subtly poking at their cherished beliefs or identity... especially because there are some people out there who will post things like that specifically in order to make those subtle pokes. There are ways to try to re-open communication but usually the other person needs to see that you actually are listening to what they are saying and that you do care about their feelings. I've read some communications books that have very good tips on this... the important skill is learning how to really listen to the other person and help them to "feel heard."There are disagreements over topics that don't hit one at the core, and then there are disagreements that do hit someone in a very personal spot. There are also some people who just don't like anybody to disagree with them. It's hard to know exactly what's going on in the situation you describe, but in any case, I hope you're able to repair these relationships and talk things out. Perhaps if you asked them to clarify what is so upsetting then you could understand more about their perspective. After they explain their position perhaps you can explain that just because you disagree with them on some topics doesn't mean you don't want to continue a relationship with them. They might not understand that right now.
gmarie21
I try as best as I can to stick with discussing the issue, not the person, and what I post is on my wall not directed at anyone, usually just quotes or new articles
I grew up in a family that was a loud and proud opinionated Italian/Irish family. We fought, we talked over each other, we were sometimes rude, but at the end, we forgave and love each other. We all love debate and maybe that is why we do not take it personally when someone disagrees. The way my biological family members act as adults is shocking to say the least, or at least, not what I am use to. What would you do (or have you done) with this kind of conflict with birth family?
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