Custody vs. Adoption

I am so sorry this is so long but I really need to have my ducks in a row on this... They have decided to not file for permanency for Peanut since we have filed for custody. I am so mad and we have a meeting with our attorney tomorrow to talk about our options and what to do. We can withdraw our motion but then I worry that the fictive kin (the one that has been ruled by the magistrate as not in his best interest) will file and then she would be the only option so the judge would grant custody to her. I am so mad at CS b/c I really feel like they are failing Peanut. I didn't know before this week that our GAL can file for permanency - so maybe we can talk her into that. It does not appear in Ohio that we have the standing to do so. We only filed custody because we felt the state was about to make a huge mistake by moving him to the other family - which has been proven over and over since then... and we have basically been told had we not filed they would have moved him to the family that said they saw nothing wrong with mom and would let her have unsupervised visits with him in her extremely unsafe home!!! I know we have discussed this before and I know the main points and that I don't want custody but I need to articulate it to our lawyer and I want to make sure I hit EVERY point particularly why it is not in his best interest!! You all are definitely the best sounding board I have on this. These are reasons TPR should be granted and why we do not want her in his life...I am open to sending her letters but she is not stable enough for a relationship with him 1. Mom has not seen him since early Dec. - that's right she still has lice. She is coming up on the 90 day abandonment! 2. Mom does not make sound medical decisions for him and questions things even after being told by doctor - has said she does not trust pediatricians. 3. Mom is not allowed to be alone with him - she walks away from him and he has fallen off a couch when she walked away from him. 4. Mom does not like us and is rude to us despite repeated efforts by me (for the first 6 months) to build a relationship with her. 5. Mom throws every obstacle at us that she can - have to get court permission for vacations, gets mad about clothes we dress him, complains about food, etc. 6. She has not worked ANY of her case plan - he is 15 months old now and has been with us since birth. Why legal custody is bad: 1. She retains rights to make medical decisions 2. She can make religious decisions (we would like to baptize him and raise him in our faith) 3. He will not get true permanency - if something happens to hubby and I then custody would revert back to her 4. She can stop us from obtaining a passport for him and traveling with him (we like to cruise so we would be sad if we could not do this anymore - clearly not a deal breaker but just another way she could control our life) 5. He would not have our family name - yet another reminder to him of his situation. In addition, he would have to explain this all the time why he does not have the same name as the rest of our family. Another reason why this would not be true permanency for him. 6. No subsidies...could we do it without it? Sure but he is still little and we don't know all of his medical issues yet. Here are some questions I still have: 1. She would not be able to pay child support - would they still order it? This seems to be the only way that at some point down the road we could file for adoption. 2. Medical - would we be able to put him on our insurance - reading the plan it says our children, adopted children and foster children but he would not fall into any of those categories. But with our income he would not qualify for medicaid so then is it based on mom and would we have to work with her all the time to keep it? Am I missing anything? I really want to make sure when we walk in there I have thought of everything to ask and talk about!!!