3 yo peeing on the floor to punish us
So over the last several days our 3 yo FD(STBAD) has been punishing us by peeing on the floor. Anytime she doesn't like what we say she pees on the floor. This kid has control over her excreting functions, so it's not like it's an accident. How have you guys dealt with this?
One of our FDs was defecating when she was angry. We offered ballet lessons for when she was "potty trained." Yes, we knew it was on purpose but we treated it like a potty training thing. We clapped when she pooped on the toilet and reinforced her good behavior. Now she is in ballet classes (they both are) and it's a non-issue.
MountainMommy said...
One of our FDs was defecating when she was angry. We offered ballet lessons for when she was "potty trained." Yes, we knew it was on purpose but we treated it like a potty training thing. We clapped when she pooped on the toilet and reinforced her good behavior. Now she is in ballet classes (they both are) and it's a non-issue.


I agree with this. Treated it like she is doing something bad will just give her reason to keep it up. Act like it is a potty training issue. I would even stick her in a diaper for 24 hours after an incident. (Not the same diaper- but you know what I mean.) A lot of potty trained 3 year olds would not like being in a diaper. But if she can't control her pees, then she must need it, right?

Just stay calm and don't feed into it. It's like walking away from a tantrum. You don't want to acknowledge it AT ALL or she will continue.

Offer a big reward for being completely potty trained. A trip to an amusement park or a new toy that she wants or classes of her choosing.
Personally I would ignore the behavior . Wait until she leaves the room then clean it up . I also would play it off lightly , like saying " Opps looks like the invisible dog left a surprise , looks like I'll have to put a diaper on the dog " while smiling . If she sees she isn't getting a reaction it might be enough for her to stop Smile
I'm sure others will post and offer suggestions .Smile
This is a hard one...and I'm not sure I handled it well. I had a 4 yr old that would pee when he got mad at us. Wow, I just didn't understand that one! Def don't want to give it attention, but I did find that if he would pee on something like the bath mat I wouldn't replace it after it was washed. A few days later he would ask where it was and I would simply respond that that he could have it back when he was 'potty trained' and quickly change the subject. It would make him mad again...but I could tell he was thinking about it. After a week or two when he wasn't peeing I would quietly replace it. Oh he noticed all right. And then I would quietly take it back up if he had an 'intentional accident' even if it was somewhere else in the house. Once he started understanding cause and effect/consequences after being in our house for sometime, I then upped the anty... if he peed and we were going somewhere, I would quietly sit down and start doing something else while everyone else walked out the door. When he asked why he wasn't going, I simply said that when his mess was cleaned up we could go but I wasn't going to do it. Like I said, it's a hard one to tackle b/c you don't want to give them any indication that they have 'power' by doing it.
In our case it was poo and Wild Child would smear it on walls. I started making HIM clean it up...problem solved. He doesn't want to clean it up so he no longer does it! IF it is really her way of punishing you..Hand her some paper towels and tell her to clean up her mess.
I'd fight it with humor. She's trying to make you mad, so give her the opposite. Very overly-dramatically and in a friendly tone I'd say "Oh my gosh, you peed on the floor! How silly! What if we all peed on the floor? Maybe I should start peeing on the floor? It sure would save me the trip to the bathroom!" Then I'd clean it up and walk away without another word about it. She'll probably do it a few more times to test you, but if she's not getting the reaction she's looking for she'll stop.
All good ideas. By the third intentional accident on the carpet(yesterday). I've kinda lost tolerance for it. So this morning when she peed on the kitchen floor. I gave her a towel, walked away and had my hubby deal with it. I was super mad, so I put myself in mommy time-out. Now I feel a bit more prepared to deal with this new behavior. Thanks!
PinkStar412 said...
I agree with this. Treated it like she is doing something bad will just give her reason to keep it up. Act like it is a potty training issue. I would even stick her in a diaper for 24 hours after an incident. (Not the same diaper- but you know what I mean.) A lot of potty trained 3 year olds would not like being in a diaper. But if she can't control her pees, then she must need it, right?


LOL! I've used the same with Nugget when he whines too much. I'll tell him, "Boy you are crying more than the baby! Should I put a diaper on your butt and a pacifier in your mouth? You sure would look funny!" Gets him every time. :eyebrows:
Fostering since 2010. Family has grown to 1 loving husband, 2 biological teens, 2 adopted boys, and a fostered Pumpkin.
Oh, I thought of one more thing... what I've recently realized w/ my 4 yr old is that she doesn't have the skills to appropriately express her anger. I never thought about the fact that she didn't have role models in her younger years...ones that were appropriate anyway. So I googled and headed to the library. You'd be amazed how many picture books there are out there that deal w/ how to be angry. Even a Mr. Rogers video... What to do with the mad I feel. The picture books have been a life saver b/c we can 'recall' how the character dealt w/ his/her anger in the book and then practice 'in the moment' I also put up a feeling chart...simple pictures that show feelings on a face...and we talk about the different feelings throughout the day. Now when she's mad she goes over and moves her arrow to the mad face...this has significantly helped b/c now I know when her anger is beginning before it erupts.
auntmommy said...
In our case it was poo and Wild Child would smear it on walls. I started making HIM clean it up...problem solved. He doesn't want to clean it up so he no longer does it! IF it is really her way of punishing you..Hand her some paper towels and tell her to clean up her mess.


I had the same issue with my BD and solved it the same way Smile
aheila268 said...
Oh, I thought of one more thing... what I've recently realized w/ my 4 yr old is that she doesn't have the skills to appropriately express her anger. I never thought about the fact that she didn't have role models in her younger years...ones that were appropriate anyway. So I googled and headed to the library. You'd be amazed how many picture books there are out there that deal w/ how to be angry. Even a Mr. Rogers video... What to do with the mad I feel. The picture books have been a life saver b/c we can 'recall' how the character dealt w/ his/her anger in the book and then practice 'in the moment' I also put up a feeling chart...simple pictures that show feelings on a face...and we talk about the different feelings throughout the day. Now when she's mad she goes over and moves her arrow to the mad face...this has significantly helped b/c now I know when her anger is beginning before it erupts.


My daughter's counselor began reading 'Sometimes I'm Bombaloo' with my daughter to help her express her anger.

[url=http://www.amazon.com/Sometimes-Im-Bombaloo-Scholastic-Bookshelf/dp/0439669413]Amazon.com: Sometimes I'm Bombaloo (Scholastic Bookshelf) (9780439669412): Rachel Vail, Yumi Heo: Books[/url]
When my AD was 3 she tried the same thing. It didn't get the desired effect. When she was sent to her room and trying to find an excuse to come out before her time was up,she would pee. I made sure she had a box of wipes and some paper towels. She could clean herself, put her clothes in the bin and clean the floor without ever leaving her room. She only did it for a few weeks and maybe only 2-3 times a week at that. Along with her cleaning it all up, she got miss out on something fun or some treat that everybody else got to eat. Nothing like missing out on ice cream,which mysteriously appeared when she peed, to motivate a kid to stop.
It is important to realize that while you can try this and that, the fact is that some kids will do this right up until adulthood (insert funny video: [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYcMgFrHUT8]What You Do With Pee - YouTube[/url] ). I *highly* suggest not getting it into your head that you're going to nip this in the bud. You might. But you might not.

We did try the "when you're a big kid" stuff. I wouldn't do it again (other than possibly briefly because it could work with a fairly normal 3yo). It is more likely that a child who is building his self-confidence, self-respect, pride, etc by doing great things (swimming, art lessons, making friends, whatever) will feel better in general so do it less or stop it. Additionally, keep in mind that kids going to these extremes (again, not talking about a kid just trying out behavior), are generally pretty dysregulated inside. When all that calms down, he'll more likely handle the incidents he pees in better also.

I'm just saying. Some kids are much more dysregulated than other kids, even other foster kids. It is really better to handle the underlying stuff than individual behaviors. In time, the individual behaviors will lessen. Some may never go away. Others may take years. Preserve your own sanity along the way.

BTW, do know what your state's minimum standards says about such things. In my state, some licensing investigators have decided that anything more than changing clothes is shaming the child. You can't have them rinse clothes or towel up a mess. To me, it is ridiculous. If they spilt milk, I would hand them a rag, why *wouldn't* I if they peed or pooped on the floor?
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