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Oh, I thought of one more thing... what I've recently realized w/ my 4 yr old is that she doesn't have the skills to appropriately express her anger. I never thought about the fact that she didn't have role models in her younger years...ones that were appropriate anyway. So I googled and headed to the library. You'd be amazed how many picture books there are out there that deal w/ how to be angry. Even a Mr. Rogers video... What to do with the mad I feel. The picture books have been a life saver b/c we can 'recall' how the character dealt w/ his/her anger in the book and then practice 'in the moment' I also put up a feeling chart...simple pictures that show feelings on a face...and we talk about the different feelings throughout the day. Now when she's mad she goes over and moves her arrow to the mad face...this has significantly helped b/c now I know when her anger is beginning before it erupts.
My daughter's counselor began reading 'Sometimes I'm Bombaloo' with my daughter to help her express her anger.
[url=http://www.amazon.com/Sometimes-Im-Bombaloo-Scholastic-Bookshelf/dp/0439669413]Amazon.com: Sometimes I'm Bombaloo (Scholastic Bookshelf) (9780439669412): Rachel Vail, Yumi Heo: Books[/url]