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Our 8 yr old son who was adopted in Russia as a 13 month old has just been diagnosed with RAD. Previously he had been diagnosed with ADD and ODD and being on the Autism Spectrum. Those diagnosis just did not completely "fit." We briefly tried some ADD meds, which was a complete disaster. He is fine in school and has friendships, although not super close. He is very manipulative at home. Our son can behave for days and even weeks at a time, then blow it all with a raging temper tantrum over something trivial. It is getting to the point that it is easier to just stay at home with him in his room than to risk a full blown "incident" out in public. People, even family just don't understand. I get a lot of dirty looks. We are seeing a counselor who is very experienced and seems quite competent and knows and has treated kids with RAD but admits it is not her specialty. I would not say he has a "severe" case right now but I've heard that RAD can get worse in puberty. We would like to nip this in the bud and go full force into helping him and educating ourselves . Our family is beginning to suffer (we have 3 older kids) and honestly I am beginning to feel resentment toward him. Even though I know it is not his fault, he has shown he does have control over his behavior. Any help, resources, advice, anything will be much appreciated.we are in Southern California.:thanks:
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Our family does the Nancy Thomas approach to RAD, and have seen huge improvements at home (still working on improvements at school). Check out her book- "When Love is Not Enough". She also has resources for babysitters and schools, as well as a 5 day camp that parents attend with the kid to help speed things up. You can google her name to find her website with resources.
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Read, read, read, and then get therapy. You won't know if you're seeing effective therapy until you educate yourself.
In my opinion/experience [URL="http://www.amazon.com/When-Love-Not-Enough-Parenting/dp/0970352549/ref=pd_sim_b_5"]the Nancy Thomas stuff[/URL] is really good when you are just starting out and your main focus is learning how to cope and restore stability to the home. She doesn't focus on teaching an understanding of the deeper issues. I think it is really easy to use her methods to come across as mean and make the problems worse for the long term while making them better in the short term. For that reason you really need to have a strong attachment therapist and use Nancy Thomas's tools in light of the parenting strategies promoted by other authors.
Another option is the [URL="http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Consequences-Logic-Control-Attachment-Challenged/dp/0977704009/ref=pd_sim_b_8"]Heather Forbes/Bryan Post stuff[/URL]. I find that their model of understanding is overly simplistic, but their conclusions lead to some pretty good and effective ideas about parenting in a lot of situations. Unlike the Nancy Thomas stuff, their strategies would be hard to turn to harm if not done in the right loving way. However their ideas are much more difficult to implement. There are several books in the series with a lot of real world examples for handling situations in ways that promote healing and attachment.
My favorite author on the subject is [URL="http://www.amazon.com/Building-Bonds-Attachment-Awakening-Troubled/dp/0765704048/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363623303&sr=8-1&keywords=building+the+bonds+of+attachment"]Daniel Hughes[/URL]. His understanding seems to me to be the most comprehensive and sensible. His P.L.A.C.E. (Playfulness, Love, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy) model for parenting is similar to what Forbes&Post are promoting and equally hard to implement. He has fewer parenting examples. We were really lucky to find a therapist that uses Daniel Hughes's methods and we were able to turn around a really hard case. I think that Hughes's understanding and Forbes's practical parenting ideas make a really good complement to each other.
I second that Daniel A. Hughes, and those who practice his brand of therapy, are the most effective, amazing I've seen. If you email or call from his website, you can ask to see if there's a therapist in your area.Hughes has a new book out, which is on parenting attachment-challenged children, "Attachment-Focused Parenting: Effective Strategies to Care for Children"[url=http://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Focused-Parenting-Effective-Strategies-Professional/dp/0393705552/ref=la_B001I9S26Q_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364534681&sr=1-1]Attachment-Focused Parenting: Effective Strategies to Care for Children (Norton Professional Books): Daniel A. Hughes: 9780393705553: Amazon.com: Books[/url]With that said, the book Jeff linked to is totally amazing, I learned a lot from reading it.