I think adoption is my only choice.

Hey My name is Roxanne (Roxy) i'm 17 from NY. I am 11 weeks pregnant, it was a complete shock and i was not expecting it,i have been in denial about my pregnancy and i basically ran out of my doctors appointment when they told me i was pregnant, the first thing i did was arrange an abortion, when the day came i couldn't go through with it. My only option now is adoption. I had been dating the baby's father for 18 months before i discovered i was expecting and ever since he has treated me like dirt and turned his back on me. My parents basically said get rid of the baby or never contact us again. I do not live with my parents as we have a very strained relationship, i currently live with my older brother and his girlfriend they are trying to be as supportive as they can but are very disappointed in me. I am going to be graduating high school soon and have just been accepted into my dream college. I have no way of taking care of a baby. So now i have decided on adoption, i have been given some information on agencies and things like that but i am more interested in private adoption and getting to know the family, i don't even know if this is possible. I don't even know how to find a family. I'm scared and alone and don't want this baby to hate me, I want this baby to know that i am doing this out of love and to give them a better life, i don't want this child to feel rejected. I cannot give a baby the life it deserves. Roxy