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Hello all, I'm new here, but have a couple quick questions I would like some insight on. First off,a little bit of a background. Back in 2008 I married my wife and became a step dad of two lovely children, my step-daughter who is now 6 (she was 1 at the time) and my step-son who is now 10 (he was 5). Paternity was never established for my step-daughter, so even though she knows who the dad is, he never took a paternity test, and jumped ship before my step-daughter was born. He is being sought after for child support by the state, but they don't seem to be working very hard as it's been 6 years. My step-son's biological dad has not been around even though he has visitation rights, since Christmas 2007. It's as if once my wife and I got engaged, he also dropped off the face of the planet. This will be the 6th year his biological dad has not been in the picture. No phone calls, no visits, just silence. We do get child support, but that is the extent of contact with the biological father. I will try to adopt my two step children this summer. With the above information given, do you think it will be that hard for me to win? Yes, my wife is in full support, she's wanted this since we got married. What hurdles do you think will be in the way? Will the biological father of my step-son have any say since he's abandoned his son for the past 5 years? Or will his continued payment of child support count as still being around? Thank you all so much for your time. Any and all information will be helpful.
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I would think that by your step-sons bio-dad paying child support that he could put a monkey wrench into your plans if he chose to do so. It will most likely be a matter of publishing in regards to your step-daughter. I would recommend talking with an adoption savvy attorney. There are many, many of them in the state. Good luck.
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As someone who was adopted by their step parent, I have a few comments.First - the easiest way is for both fathers to voluntarily relinquish their rights. Doing so will make it where you can adopt them. It will also end all claims for child support and any existing payments that are being made.Second, in the case of the son, yes his dad is still in the picture even though he isn't visiting. He is actively sending child support. That will stop if/when you adopt. Since you know where he is, he needs to sign the TPR (termination of parental rights). If he doesn't want to, in my opinion, you should not proceed with the adoption. I don't know if the court would involuntarily terminate his rights so that a step parent could adopt, but it shouldn't happen. I guess one of the things I always wonder is why step parents need to adopt their step children. You can have the same relationship without wiping out the existence of the other parent. My birth certificate still lists my ex-step dad's name. I don't even have access at this point to a birth certificate with my bio dad's name even though he's in my life and my ex-step dad isn't. And yes, while he adopted me when I was 7, he's still my step dad to me. I don't think of him any different personally.My bio dad signed the forms thinking he was giving me a better life. He didn't. He should have stayed involved in my life and fought for that ability. Regardless of whether or not you're able to adopt these two children this summer, they are going to have the same issues of abandonment because of their dad's not being their. Honestly, I'd rather see you reach out to your stepson's dad and find out why he stopped being involved more than child support. See if there's a way to get him to interact with his child rather than trying to legally erase him.Please make your decision about what's best for the kids. In my case, my dad should have been allowed to be involved (my mom made the decision to make it hard for him to see me). I would have been better off learning to deal with the confusion of having 2 dads, than having a new dad try to replace my "missing" dad. In your step daughter's case, that may not be possible. But with your stepson, it sounds more like his dad was uncomfortable once she was in a new relationship. And since she has wanted you to adopt from the beginning it sounds like she wants to push the old man from her life and her kids life and only have the new man their. I can understand that feeling as an adult but it's not right for the kids. Obviously, I have my own opinions based on my experiences. And not everyone will agree with me. I wanted to give you something else to think about though. Terminating a parents rights, especially involuntarily, isn't something that should be done lightly. Involuntary termination should only be done as a last resort and in my opinion when there is danger to the kids from that parent. I don't think that when people get married and one has kids that the remaining parent needs to adopt the kids. I think the previous family relationships should stay intact or at least not be legally altered. My step-parent adoption was a failure. It was not in my best interest and it shouldn't have happened. Maybe that's not your situation but try to think about how the kids will look at this 20 years from now.
dmariehill
As someone who was adopted by their step parent, I have a few comments. First - the easiest way is for both fathers to voluntarily relinquish their rights. Doing so will make it where you can adopt them. It will also end all claims for child support and any existing payments that are being made. Second, in the case of the son, yes his dad is still in the picture even though he isn't visiting. He is actively sending child support. That will stop if/when you adopt. Since you know where he is, he needs to sign the TPR (termination of parental rights). If he doesn't want to, in my opinion, you should not proceed with the adoption. I don't know if the court would involuntarily terminate his rights so that a step parent could adopt, but it shouldn't happen. I guess one of the things I always wonder is why step parents need to adopt their step children. You can have the same relationship without wiping out the existence of the other parent. My birth certificate still lists my ex-step dad's name. I don't even have access at this point to a birth certificate with my bio dad's name even though he's in my life and my ex-step dad isn't. And yes, while he adopted me when I was 7, he's still my step dad to me. I don't think of him any different personally. My bio dad signed the forms thinking he was giving me a better life. He didn't. He should have stayed involved in my life and fought for that ability. Regardless of whether or not you're able to adopt these two children this summer, they are going to have the same issues of abandonment because of their dad's not being their. Honestly, I'd rather see you reach out to your stepson's dad and find out why he stopped being involved more than child support. See if there's a way to get him to interact with his child rather than trying to legally erase him. Please make your decision about what's best for the kids. In my case, my dad should have been allowed to be involved (my mom made the decision to make it hard for him to see me). I would have been better off learning to deal with the confusion of having 2 dads, than having a new dad try to replace my "missing" dad. In your step daughter's case, that may not be possible. But with your stepson, it sounds more like his dad was uncomfortable once she was in a new relationship. And since she has wanted you to adopt from the beginning it sounds like she wants to push the old man from her life and her kids life and only have the new man their. I can understand that feeling as an adult but it's not right for the kids. Obviously, I have my own opinions based on my experiences. And not everyone will agree with me. I wanted to give you something else to think about though. Terminating a parents rights, especially involuntarily, isn't something that should be done lightly. Involuntary termination should only be done as a last resort and in my opinion when there is danger to the kids from that parent. I don't think that when people get married and one has kids that the remaining parent needs to adopt the kids. I think the previous family relationships should stay intact or at least not be legally altered. My step-parent adoption was a failure. It was not in my best interest and it shouldn't have happened. Maybe that's not your situation but try to think about how the kids will look at this 20 years from now.