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murphymalone
It sounds like the adopted family decided to get some "vengeance" and put pressure on the birthmother at the OP's graduation.
Not a smart thing to do at all. In the original post I didn't hear any slams or insults about the adopted family.
It sounds like there was a back lash insinuating things that I can't quite see happened. We don't know too much about the background in her relationship with her adopted family so jumping to conclusions about "why" she chose to seek out her birthmother is a quick fix.
The bottom line is it's up to the adoptee. If they choose at whatever point to seek out their original family no one is going to stop the inevitable. A piece of paper is not going to stop a person driven to know court ordered or not. All that will do is cause resentment. Just because a person is driven to know what everyone else who isn't adopted can take for granted doesn't mean they don't respect and care for the people who adopted them.
It's not a win/lose situation on less you choose to look at it that way. People need to think outside the box. If the issue is based on fear that the child a family adopts will turn their back on them in favour of the original family then no amount of reassurance will solve their insecurity.
Children are not chattel. No one owns anyone on this planet and the tighter people hang on the more the person needs to pull away.
Well said, Murphy.
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Just a quck thing about "fantasising adoptees". There seems to be an assumption that we all have/had fantasies of our bparents as being wondrous angels. However, when reading the OPs blog, I got the impression that, like many other adoptees, she was rather apprehensive about what the reality would be. I did get the impression (although hopeful) that she was prepared for any outcome and that is important. I also got the impression that the fact that finding out that her bmom is a nice lady has been a real bonus to her and it also sounds to me like that she wants to get to know her as a human being. She probably is going through a "honeymoon" period but hopefully that will develop into something ever better, i.e. a good open relationship. I hope also that she is able to improve things with her afamily as well and also have a good open relationship with them as well.
I too am someone whose expectations were exceeded in many ways although I'll never know the actualy reality re bmom.
However, knowing the REALITY is so much better than knowing the ABSTRACT and I think I would have felt this way WHATEVER the reality.
A yearr and half ago I contacted my birthmom in a letter form, I didn't receive a response so I thought. She did indeed respond to me but it got lost in the mail so I thought that she did not want to have contact with me. She did, & she thought I didn't want to have contact with from her letter. This whole year we were both wondering why. She made our first phone contact on my birthday this year. We physically met for the first time during Mother's day weekend. It was great we had lots of happy tears and hugs the whole weekend. So what I am telling others who are looking for someone, be patient and persistant. If you have questions of my reuion you can contact me at JP112968@yahoo.com
New blog post! Check it out please!
[url=http://sarahannesstory.blogspot.com/2013/07/4th-of-july-post.html]My Reunion Story: 4th of July Post![/url]
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murphymalone
It's not a win/lose situation on less you choose to look at it that way. .
I like this. We have a choice in how we look at things.
Hey guys, I just posted a video a made for my birthmother last year on my youtube. Please check it out :)
My youtube is : SimplySaruhh I will post the link on my blog.
Hi Everyone,
heres the link to my adoption video that I made for my birthmother!
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiG3htV4ms8[/url]
annkiser1954
I hate that the bulling happen to you. I had a lot of that to happen to me to. But what they do not realize is that yes it hurts but it also makes you stronger person. Therefore, you are a winner in the end. :cheer:
I would like to ask a question on searching for a loved one. If you feel you may not have enough information on the adoptee what do you do? Do you have any pointers for me?
Good luck and many blessings.
I PMed you with information specific to your state. I hope it is helpful.
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AprilMae, I'm so glad you had such a wonderful reunion! I hope you have many happy times ahead.
And I'm so sorry you got bullied - I can't imagine how painful that was.
'She told me my birthmother could never love the baby she gave up for adoption thirteen years ago.'
Unbeliveably cruel, and so inaccurate.
I've loved my beautiful son since before he was born, and thirty years later, following our reunion, I get the chance to tell him as often as I can. As do the rest of his first family.
I'm aware of many, many other first mothers who feel exactly the same.
Enjoy being loved to bits!
(btw - you aren't being selfish - you have every right to enjoy your mother's love)
Dear Aril Mae,
When I read your story I cried. That was the reunion I had always wanted with my son. I am so happy for you and your mom and for all of your family. God bless you all:)