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I placed my son, Caleb, just yesterday. I signed at the 72 hours. I feel so empty inside, even though I know what I did was the best thing for him. The adoptive parents stayed with me in my room from the time he was born. I don't know how to deal with these emotions. Please, someone help.
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You are allowed to feel empty.....and sad, and confused, and ANYTHING else....even while feeling you have done the best thing for Caleb. Your body and your hormones have just undergone an enormous experience....and your heart and mind no less. If there is no one to come to be with you, maybe journal? Write a letter to Caleb, that you keep in a box or other safe place? IT IS OK TO FEEL WHATEVER YOUR ARE FEELING....but if it goes beyond empty to much worse pain, PLEASE FIND HELP. (Social worker?) Peace be with you.
Skip the social worker, you need a n unbiased counselor that does not benefit from the adoption.Have you signed the papers yet? If not I suggest you spend sometime with your son with out the aps there. I am sorry they insinuated their way into time that should have been yours and your child's.
I actually liked that they were there. I got to see them with him and see how much they love him. I signed the papers at the 72 hours. If I wouldn't have, Caleb would have had to come home with me and I have nothing for him...no crib, clothes, anything. I don't regret what I did, not at all. I just miss him.
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One of the hardest things about this that no one tells you is that you will always miss him. My son just turned nine and I still miss him.Look for a good counsellor tomorrow, not one associated with or recommended by the agency or attorney that you used. A bond has been broken and it will take time for it to get better. I won't tell you it will be better tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year. I am better after nine years, but between being adopted myself and placing my only child for adoption,I will never be whole again.
Hugs to you. I know this is such a difficult time. There is absolutely nothing easy about adoption and placing your baby in another person's arms. If you believe that you did the right thing for your child, hold onto that because it will be what helps you get through the difficult moments. I felt heartbreak, anger, guilt, pure sadness but also felt so blessed that I found such a wonderful family to care for my daughter. It has been 18 years and not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about her. And yes, like belleinblue1978 said, you will ALWAYS miss him. He is a part of you and that will never just go away. I have never regretted placing my daughter for adoption because for me, I knew I was doing the best thing for both of us and especially for her. I STILL have very emotional days. I think I always will. You will always have a bit of sadness and loss in your heart, that much is true. You are also going to feel so many more emotions as time goes on. If you believe you made the right choice, than I pray that peace will also soon find its say into your heart to help with the pain.
I am so sorry for your loss. I placed my son almost 22 years ago. I still think about him every day and miss him terribly. You need to find an independant counselor who knows how to deal with adoption loss. Being here and talking to people like us will hopefully help but you might also want to try a to find an IRL birthparent support group. (((hugs))) to you, mama.
Thank you to everyone who is reaching out to me. I was hoping it would get easier as the days went by, but in fact it is getting harder. I haven't cried in about a week, but today I had a melt down. I talked to his adoptive mommy and we finally set how open the adoption will be. They are going to send me weekly updates and pictures, which I am so grateful for. Sometimes, I regret giving him up, but then I remember why I did it. It makes the hurt a little more bearable.:grouphug:
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As an adoptive mom, my heart is with you. I have deep compassion and respect for you. I don't know how you feel, but I can give you this promise. For my AS first mother, I will hug her tight tomorrow when I see her, and I will think of you.And as she plays with him in the park, I will hold dear the memories. I hope soon you will have those memories too. May you find deeper peace with every breath.
So happy you gave an update, as I've been thinking about you often since I posted before. I'm glad you and the adoptive mom talked things through and that she wants to be so open and do what's best for you in this as well. It certainly helps to have adoptive parents who are great communicators and see you for the blessing that you are. You are going to have those days where it gets so hard and so heartbreaking that you feel like you can't even breathe. Right now it's all still so new so your feeling that things have gotten more difficult is completely normal. You carried that little guy for 9 months and bonded with him. You will always have him in your heart. Thinking of you and praying for you.~Becki
HRS1205
Thank you to everyone who is reaching out to me. I was hoping it would get easier as the days went by, but in fact it is getting harder. I haven't cried in about a week, but today I had a melt down. I talked to his adoptive mommy and we finally set how open the adoption will be. They are going to send me weekly updates and pictures, which I am so grateful for. Sometimes, I regret giving him up, but then I remember why I did it. It makes the hurt a little more bearable.:grouphug:
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I know how you feel..my son, Corbin, will be 3 weeks tomorrow. The aps I chose for him are amazing people and they have kept to their word so far and have emailed me several times with pictures and updates on my son. I have an open adoption, with visitation every 3 months for the 1st year and twice a year after that. Even with all that my heart is aching to hold my little boy. I miss him beyond belief and u wasn't prepared for this type of heartache. I can only tell you it is getting easier each day for me. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to inbox me. I could use someone to talk to myself. Also, it helps to think that by giving him up for adoption I have given him a better life than I could have given him. The decision we made was a decision made out of pure love and it is truly the most selfless act of love that there is.