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For those of you that use a private FB page for OA contact with bio's, how does that go?
Do you set up "rules" to bio's before you do that?
Do you let your adopted kiddo's look at the FB page, or is it just for the adults?
Do bio's every become inappropriate?
I just thought this would be easy way for some general updates. And also, selfishly, I could keep "tabs" on the family, specifically if bio ever becomes pregnant or has another baby.
Thoughts or BTDT?
My adoption isn't from foster care so my response may not be exactly what you're looking for.
I have a special facebook page for Sweetpea's first mom. She's the only friend on the page. She friended me with her "regular" page. It's the only contact she seems to want. I post pictures, she doesn't always respond. She will sometimes "like" the pictures or make a general comment about how beautiful/cute Sweetpea is. There's an occasional private message, which is great.
Sweetpea's only 14 months old so I don't have the issue of her seeing the page. It definitely gets inappropriate. There are a ton of things on it that I wouldn't want her to see. I would advise that facebook be for adults only. It may work to show your child an occasional picture or post but unless you know that everything's okay I'd be careful.
I'm glad to have this contact so that Sweetpea can have pictures of her first mom and her older siblings some day. I would encourage you to do it but be careful.
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I have a faux page in use to contact birth mom. She totally respects my wishes about not copying or sharing any photos I post She recently had a baby girl and is doing great. She is a whole new women.
I was going to create a FB for Buttercup also BUT then I realized that BM already was posting pictures I sent the BF via text the first month after she was born. (BM was in jail) Since BM has been out she hasn't made any contact with anyone in regards to the baby so I havent sent any updated pictures and I refuse to do so. If they want to know how she is doing..they will make some sort of effort. But for those parents who have made efforts and are easy to get along with, I say try it out. You can always not post anything if you feel it isn't working out.
We tried the shutterfly page route, where you can see when a member logs in to view the page (bps were the only members besides me, and only members could view my site).
I liked that format, because it was interesting to see that bd logged in once, and never again before I shut it down (9 1/2 months later), and bm only logged in twice in 9 1/2 months.
I really wanted an "internet" open adoption. I wanted our communication and photo sharing to be via email, texting, shutterfly, and I hoped that we could be facebook friends one day.
For us, it just didn't work out that way. It was too easy for bps to shoot off nasty, emotionally charged, drunk messages at 2am when they were feeling bad about the adoption. They left nasty emails, texts, and nasty comments on the shutterfly page.
I was disappointed, but we now do paper letters and hard copy photos sent via the postal service, and it is completely one-sided-- I never hear from bps.
One adoption is open; the other isn't. For the one that's not, I keep bio mom up-to-date on how kids are doing. for the one that is, we make plans for get togethers.
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I have a second facebook account that is used for communication with bio family. Well that's how it started, I now have two facebook accounts that are pretty equal in usage -- with birth family members almost exclusively on the one account - but that includes cousins, aunts, uncles etc. There are TONS of inappropriate things some people post (I have seen more drug memes than I care to admit) but it is a great way to get to connect, send pics etc.
It went really good until we started getting friend requests from the birth dad's wife which was a primary abuser. I found that while I thought it was a good idea, it started to feel icky when I knew my photo's I put on there were being copied and given to those not allowed access to the boys. I really wanted to have the birth family involved, but I regret it now. I think if I could do it again, I would have done a google plus account or just an email. Something that not everyone uses. We are on the verge of ending our open adoption from FC. I'm here to support the bm, but not to get played by her. There is a reason kids in FC are removed and we are finding out the hard way. Our adoption was 4 years ago.
I'm considering this as well. I tried e-mail kind of already, but that doesn't seem to work with the Bios. But they can do Facebook. BD sent me a friend request on my regular account, which is what started us thinking about one just for the boys... It would definitely be an easy way to update, but also easy to shut off.
Anyone else doing this or thinking about it?
I'm considering this as well. I tried e-mail kind of already, but that doesn't seem to work with the Bios. But they can do Facebook. BD sent me a friend request on my regular account, which is what started us thinking about one just for the boys... It would definitely be an easy way to update, but also easy to shut off.
Anyone else doing this or thinking about it?
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I found H's biomom's MYSPACE page a few years ago. Maybe around 2009? I sent her a message and she was very appropriate. After a few months, I saw her had Facebook and sent her a friend request.
It's been great. First Mom "O" is respectful and appropriate. I have shown H pictures of bio family that first mom posted to Facebook but she doesn't go on the page. O will "like" a picture or video or make a comment "She's getting so big". However, she isn't a demanding or overbearing kind of person.
H's first mom doesn't have the history that your AS's first mom had, though. For her, I would do a separate page. And unfortunately, you might have to say "Don't take the pictures". I wouldn't post any pictures of A-man with any foster siblings or other kids in case first mom takes them and reposts them somewhere else.
Also, if she doesn't know where you're living, I wouldn't post any pictures with identifying landmarks in the back ground (like a picture of A-man in the front yard with the house or house # in view)
I plan to do a facebook page, not a personal timeline. A page will allow for me to restrict comments on the page. All comments will have to be in private messages so they won't show up on the page. They can't post anything on the page either without me approving it first. You "like" a page instead of "friending" it so you don't get the same kind of following as you do if they were friends on your personal profile. I can make requests for photos, etc. and advise them to send them to an email, etc. I hope it works once we can publish it after adoption...(right now it isn't published).
I'm debating on this topic. What are your thoughts of who can see the page? Just bio mom and dad? Uncles? Aunts? Cousins? Friends? I don't know where to draw the line.
MamaDeb
I'm considering this as well. I tried e-mail kind of already, but that doesn't seem to work with the Bios. But they can do Facebook. BD sent me a friend request on my regular account, which is what started us thinking about one just for the boys... It would definitely be an easy way to update, but also easy to shut off.
Anyone else doing this or thinking about it?
Your bio mom was crazy, I wouldn't want crazy on my face book page, so I would make a private account, for her and her family .
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