So, those of you along for the ride with Blue Eyes knows that he is allowed to visit his siblings/grandma (diff dads) and his great aunt with whom he lived before me, any time they want. They have been very flexible and considerate to me and limited it to once a month. (The only reason it is a drag is they both live almost an hour from me so even meeting half way is almost 30 minutes, sometimes longer with traffic.)
So, every single time he goes to the overnight visit I pack 2x the needed clothes. Recently, our temps have been fluctuating immensely from day-to-day so I would pack a "warm" out fit and a "cool" outfit. I always pack extra undies and pants in case of accidents. And of course, a pair of pajammies.
Well, every single time I pick him up, he comes home in clothes that I did not send! Now, with his Auntie, I can almost see because I know that she got a voucher for him and based on the "new" 18month clothes she has passed on to me (a couple of items) I know she didn't use all of the clothes for him. (This is the same relative that never sent any of his clothes.)
So today, I pick him up from grandma. First, he was sound asleep. I mean DEAD TO THE WORLD asleep. That tells me that he not only did NOT get a nap but he played really hard. Seriously, he slept the entire 30 minutes home and I was starting to wonder if he had been drugged. It was 7pm but still.
But the thing that most concerned me, was that he was in pajammies. Now, I knew that since we confirmed meeting place on the phone and Gma asked if it is ok for him to be in pajammies. What I expected was to see him in the summer pajammies I sent for him. What did he come home in? A footed, blanket sleeper! You know, those fleece like kind that are soft. Did I mention that it was 90˚ today???
And, both times with his great aunt it was the same thing. One day it was 80˚ and he came home in shorts, a long sleeved shirt, and a long sleeve jacket. Now, we keep it pretty chilly here and the only time he has complained about being cold was one day last week in bed, but his bed is over the air vent. So I covered up his air vent with a cover I bought, but am going to move his bed around anyway. The point is, after 5.5 months, his body has likely acclimated to the temperature here, so being dressed like that had him sweating.
I just don't understand it. I can see where they might want to buy him clothes, but these aren't new clothes he comes home in. Often they are wrong size, and stained. And the clothes I send him in stay perfectly folded in his bag. I don't want to sound ungrateful for the help, but it is a PIA to keep track of clothes that they sent, and you know we have to do that and send them back with them, as long as they still fit, when they leave.
So, what is up with this behavior? Do they know realize that it is almost insulting to me as if to say the clothes I send aren't good enough?
The clothes part is confusing to me. I dress our boys in warm pjs because we keep the house really cold.
No, they aren't keeping the clothes I send. I am not really annoyed by it just curious as to why they do it. And I kep my home chilly too but he wasn't at home. He was in a car that even with AC full blast in 90* weather, it was too warm. He was sweating by the time we got home. Just odd.
TemporaryMom
No, they aren't keeping the clothes I send. I am not really annoyed by it just curious as to why they do it. And I kep my home chilly too but he wasn't at home. He was in a car that even with AC full blast in 90* weather, it was too warm. He was sweating by the time we got home. Just odd.
At least they're not keeping the clothes. Some Biological's put nasty clothes on their kids, that are way to small, then take the good clothes. I have know idea why they would put warm PJs on, when its so hot.
Maybe they have stuff for him to use at their house, and find it easier to use that stuff than to have to keep track of your stuff? Like if they unpack him and then forget to put something back in, they think they'll get in trouble for "stealing" your clothes? Who knows, but I wouldn't take offense. I'd be glad they're not just keeping everything you send so that you have to keep buying new stuff in between visits!
Peanuts mom would change him at the beginning of a 2 hour visit into clothes she brought him...then change him back into my clothes at the end of the visit.
From the supervisor, I was aware that the clothes were the completely wrong size and usually out of season. This drove me crazy because the didn't have utilities which means they didn't smell great AND who knows what was on the clothes. This particularly bothered me once I found out mom had lice. Luckily he never brought them home.
A.S.
I have had this happen-- with parents. I send clean well fitting seasonally appropriate clothes, and they come home in ill fitting non seasonal clothes and the clothes I sent are no where to be seen.
I can't take the steady loss of clothing- so I just wash and send back on the next visit the clothes they came home in-- and try not to pack much. I wouldn't say let him wear something sizes to tight- but if it is not awful....
It is really strange- I totally have never been able to figure it out.
I too, have done this many, many times. The bios were happy that I was using the clothes that they sent them back in. The Biological clothes were only used for visits though...
My first FD would come home in a different outfit almost every visit she went on. It would drive me crazy. She'd come home with blankets and toys, too. Someone told me that is the Biological's way of getting you off of their kids. I finally just started sending her in the clothes the family sent.
If they seem nice enough to you in person and are respectful of your schedule, etc., then I wouldn't think that they are trying to insult you by not using the clothes you send. It could be that putting the clothes they have on him make them feel more like he is still in their care...in a sense.
However, I totally understand where you are coming from with trying to keep track of the clothes they send and trying to make sure they go back to them at the next visit. Its a pain in the @ss trying to keep the clothes seperate and if you forget to send something of their's back, there always that thought of them calling and saying "hey, where's those PJs I sent back with him"...or"we want these shoes or that shirt back..where are they?
This post hits home for me because biomom and I got into it this weekend over some stupid shoes she gave us for the boys over 4 months ago. I told her in the very beginning..."don't give us anything you want back". This reminds me..I need to put up an update post on our crazy case.
please do, Boys..been waiting for an update from ya
I'm going to try to PM you later today and ask about Buddy. Don't you have court soon?
We have a clothes issue too - our 8 year old FD and her 15 month old sister see their mom twice during the week and twice on weekends and they often change their clothes and send them home in ill fitting, cigarette-smelling outfits. They also often send BAGS of clothes that are the wrong size. Like adult size medium, winter clothes in May. Who is that for? Or a 3T bathing suit. The girls are 8 (in a size 10/12) and 15 months (wearing a size 18mont/2T). Insane.
But the worst is our 8 year old FD only has about 3 pairs of shorts b/c she has been peeing her pants at least once a day (for 4 months, sigh) and the mom changes her clothes and keeps her shorts. Maybe to wash them but she has never given them back to us - and now we have to ask for them back because I am not buying all new shorts just for the mom to keep again.
My Biological parents steal the clothes I send on visits. I pack extra in case of accidents. Just the other day, my little princess tells me how her mom bought her this dress. It was the dress I had bought for her that mom took on a visit then later brought to another visit and told her she bought it. Mom even had the audacity to ask once for the clothes the kids came into care with and their underwear. They were stained, but I washed and returned them. When I pack snacks for the visits, the parents eat my food too. It is frustrating because it is expensive taking care of four kids.
Same thing happens to us. We send clothes (even if its not an overnight, they are toilet training, so we send spares) and they wear appropriate clothing for whatever they are doing, and they come back in dirty thrift store leftovers that dont fit well and are out of season.
I think in our case its mom adjusting to the fact that she has missed out on a lot. Yes, that stained, short sleeve sponge bob shirt was his favorite shirt when he lived with you 8 months ago, but now he is two sizes bigger and its snowing!
Mom and her family are heavy smokers ("but never around the kids") so clothes go straight into the washer and kids go into the tub when they get home because I am so allergic to the smoke residue. We sharpie their initials on the tags of anything that comes home with them and we put it in a box of things to go home. Its not too difficult to keep up with. Now that mom is setting up her apartment for RU we send all that stuff home with them so she can start setting up their closest with the clothes the she clearly likes for them.
Just keep doing what your doing. Send a spare, don't worry if they don't use your stuff, and occasionally send him back to a visit in something they gave him.