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Figured I would start a new thread about it. It has been a looonnnnnggggg week having Hercules. I mentioned on the other thread that he will point at people, make gun sounds and say "Im gonna kill you". I feel like I am doing something wrong because it's like more issues are arising...if that makes sense. On Saturday all the kiddo's were outside with us. Punzel was coloring on the porch and Mickey was eating a snack in his pack n play on the porch, Hercules was coloring then got up. I watched him walk up to our two dogs that were laying in the grass and he walked up and kicked them. I start walking over and Mickey had his cute little face pressed up against the pack n play screen and Hercules kicks his face through it then turns around and kicks at Punzel (but didn't kick her). As soon as he turned around and saw me walking up to him he ran and sat at the picnic table like somehow I would think he was there the whole time....right. I called supervisor on Friday, left voicemail on her cell phone and she never returned my call (this was about Mickey's bleeding chin because Hercules shoved the door open on him.) I think it's incredible that so many moms/dads on here feel they can help children that have behavior issues but oh my gosh, it has me completely stressed out all day. Since he has kicked people and the dogs, I decided to try isolating him meaning he can be around us but in order to keep the other ones safe he can't have free roam. The time outs aren't working, I can bring him back to time out a hundred times or in his room, and he still comes out. The only thing I have figured out to do is put him in the pack n play or his booster chair (that he uses to eat in) because he can't undo the buckle. I don't understand how the ffm said he never had any behavior issues but then shut down her home. Is my home THAT bad that it is just bringing out all these behaviors? We are his 6th home if you count the emergency placement home prior to us. Ffm had the boys for two months and they have been in care since February.
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I've tried to stay supportive in my postings throughout this thread and I'll continue. You need to be aware that when you post you "are" inviting others into your situation and you are going to get our options. So while you may not have asked, you will receive.
Southernmomma
This thread was not meant to ask anyone for their opinion of "disruption" contrary to what they think. The purpose was for me to vent my frustrations of not being able to get a hold of anyone unless I was to walk in the dhs office. I do not care what others think of my decision as it was best for my family and I never asked one person on here what their personal opinion of it was either.
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6 homes in that short amount of time indicates to me this child has been failed already by the system. :( Sweeping behaviors under the rug and lying to FPs to place him just fails him more.
I would guess he is acting out because he hasn't had any raising. He's been running wild his whole life, that's why he is running wild now. Nugget could be a complete terror when he wanted. And for the whole two years he visited his bm, the behaviors would show right back up when he saw her. You ever put a wild animal in a cage? They don't take it to well. On some level, every foster home has to be therapeutic. Only most of us were trained through trial and error. No class can prepare your nerves for what these kids come with. So disruption after a week is pretty tame in my book. Southern will know better next call. How many lessons have the rest of us learned the same way?
Our first placement was similar. We were told the child had no issues at all. The first few days with us were fine, but soon the child was hitting, scratching, biting, tackling the other kids in our home non-stop. Even if the child was in my arms or right next to me the behaviors did not stop. After 2 weeks we called the social worker to figure out what to do. No response. We called and called with nothing. Finally, we called our worker and said the child had to be moved and to figure out how to get the social worker here. Finally the worker called and was furious that we had already made our decision. What do you expect if you do not provide any support or even return calls?!We had to wait 2 more weeks for the child to be moved to a new home. It was absolute torture on us. At night, as soon as the other kids were in bed, the child was the sweetest thing. But by day it was a constant struggle to keep the other kids safe. In the end, it was the right decision, but it was a terrible experience and very traumatizing for all involved. 4 months later we finally felt ready for a new placement--one who was younger and not as close in age to the other kids. He has been with us for 5 months and things are going much better. It is a night and day. Because of this I am a firm believer that most any child over the age of 18 months should be in a home with either no other kids OR kids that are at least 3-5 years older.
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Bottom line is that you need to do what you feel is right. If you are not getting the support of ANYONE then yes its going to seem like a never ending problem that will only be solved with disruption. On a side note I'm not really sure what the big deal is with the fact that you "preferred" girls. If thats so taboo then why give a choice at all about gender, age, race or medical status. In that instance I think we all as foster parents could be accused of not considering things outside our realm of comfort. But they do that to ensure the safety and well being of yourself and the children. In the long run this will just be another learning experience for everyone reading these threads. And hey maybe it will give someone valuable advice if they are considering disruption. Either way kudos for setting limits and sticking to them. I hope the best for your family and as I'm sure you hope, that they find a good place for the boys :)
Sheena85
How is it going with Mickey? Any updates on the case?
Loving4ward
She posted in the disruption thread yesterday that he is doing great and has learned 10 new words since Hercules left less than a week ago. She also indicated she won't be posting anymore. Hopefully she will come back at some point!!!!!
mrsvall
On a side note I'm not really sure what the big deal is with the fact that you "preferred" girls. If thats so taboo then why give a choice at all about gender, age, race or medical status. In that instance I think we all as foster parents could be accused of not considering things outside our realm of comfort. But they do that to ensure the safety and well being of yourself and the children.
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Oh no I got that part lol I just meant in general whats the problem with having a preference. I agree she should have turned it down b/c of her limits. But I think thats one of the problems with the system in general-at least that I can see as a newb. We, foster parents as a whole, get guilted into taking placements that tug at our heartstring and then situations like this happen. I personally see nothing wrong with the fact that she wanted girl placements...if thats what works for her then whatever :) Its sad to me that the CW/SW knew what her preferences were and still went about it the way she did. And really kudos to her for giving it a shot and trying to make it work. I think we have all met children in our life-foster or otherwise-that have just rubbed us the wrong way and were simply "too much". No reason to flame the poor woman and toss judgement-general statement aimed at nobody in general!!!! :eyebrows:
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Last update on May 29, 8:16 am by megera39.