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So both of my daughters birthdays are coming up. So that means they are going to be in the area. Normally that would mean a chance to see them but if their birth mom has her say it will mean SHE gets to see them. Here is the story. I just recently had to courage to tell my family about the adoption(thanks to my best friend who also recently found out). My sister has never been fond of her. My sister does not like how she treats me. So when she found out that she had twice gone with adoption and everything else that happened she called her a word that starts with a "b" and rhymes with "twitch". I called her on that because like it or not she is still the mother of my kids. She also said that she really wants to meet my daughters. But I them made the mistake of letting the birth mother know about the conversation(I don't believe in hiding things in relationships). So now she is against my sister seeing them because "they came from her vagina so they are hers". She also is against my mom seeing them and getting to know them. She claims that my mom is trying to replace her as their mother(which make me feel even more that she decided to go with a gay couple so she would always be the only mother they would ever know). I do not know what to so. I feel like my family deserves the right to see those girls and it is up to the aparents to decide who can be in their live. Like it or not the moment we signed the papers we signed always the right to control things like that. This is not the first time she has don't this. A few weeks ago she told the aparent they should not let severall people be their friends on their Facebook because she did not like them. Should I risk them wanting to close me out the adoption by asking if they would be willing to do separate visits? Do I just not go because I don't want to be their without my family? I need to support because seeing them is hard enough and she isn't going to give me the support I need.
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Am I understanding correctly that your open adoption agreement says that the two of you together get an annual visit with your kids? If that's the case, I'd get in touch with the a-family directly and ask for a seperate visit. They may say no, in which case you'll have to just suck it up and play nice for the hour or so. But, ultimately, your goal should be to forge a relationship with the a-family and your kiddos, if that's what you want. Hopefully that also includes letters, cards, photos, etc. during the rest of the year. Just so you know -- I'm an adoptive mom and adopted thru foster care and have technically closed adoptions (although we have email contact with bfamily).
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My mom is pretty upset about her claims that she is trying to replace her by wanting to get to know them and wanting to get them a birthday gift. And after finding out what the birthmom told her when she discussed it with her I don't blame her. Apparently before deciding to buy the girls gifts she talked to her about it. She was all for it. My mom offered to allow her to pick out whatever she wanted to for them and she would pay(she has a issue with spending money that has put her in massive amounts of debt). The birth mom just asked that she did not exclude their other adopted sister as her birthparents is not around which my mom was more than okay with. But now all of these things are the reasons she is claiming she is trying to replace her.
Contact the afamily directly. Unless you two are married (which I'm still unclear about, due the contact you seem to have). I would let my mom, sister, friends etc meet my kids. If i wanted to at that visit. She has no say. The childs fathers do. You might be on to something about the two dad thing but she may just think they can provide the kind of life she was wanting the kids to have. You never know. As a mom I can see the appeal of not wanting my children to have other mothers. But either way you've got what you've got an unless your married I'm not sure why this woman is controlling your relationship with your children.