Really REALLY fed up with bio mom and my agency
So basically, when Biological was denied parole the judge said that TPR needs to be filed...right now TPR is set for end of August.

So I get a call from Niece's caseworker saying Biological is wanting a FTM BUT only DH can attend.

I asked if she's allowed to do that and the CW said yes. I got an email today saying she followed up with her supervisor who confirmed that parents can exclude FPs from the meeting if they want. She suggested that I make sure that DH and I discuss in depth our positions on open adoption and anything else we thing we might need to discuss so "my voice can be heard."

DH said he'll go but refuse to discuss anything regarding post adoptive contact, etc...but it frankly ticks me off. She's my daughter, I'M her primary care giver, I'm home with her all day, I'm the one she trusts, I'm the one who will have to deal with any post adoptive contact (DH works 60 hrs/week)...but I'm the one being specifically excluded. 1st of all, I think the meeting is a waste of time, 2nd I think that they are going to try to convince my husband to agree to an open adoption in exchange for her relinquishing her rights and that's just not going to happen.

IDK why my agency believes DH and I are going to allow this woman to divide and concur us...to save them some work in regards to TPR. :hissy: :hissy: :hissy:
Wow, this really stinks. This is a control issue for Biological mom.
I would certainly have DH go, but to take notes, and have you on call to answer any immediate questions.
Then you can discuss his notes and email a reply to the worker / supervisor.
never BTDT with a child in care, but had a similar issue with my DH first wife. (we have full custody) The Terrorist was mad because I was the full-time caregiver, and she could not control me or DH anymore.
DH had mediation, and Terrorist refused to let me attend.
So, this is what we did, and it worked wonders.
I'm surprised that they would let her do that. Since your the primary care giver I would think the sw should trump Biological mom saying that you are part of the team and that your input is important.
elizabeth30 said...
I'm surprised that they would let her do that. Since your the primary care giver I would think the sw should trump Biological mom saying that you are part of the team and that your input is important.


Ugh...Unfortunately, this is par for the course with what we've experienced with this agency.
This is simply absurd!! And the fact that your agency would want to discuss "open adoption" when you are not even allowed to sit at the table and will be probably the most "active" participant in the open adoption....It really makes you wonder about people's common sense!!
loveajax said...
This is simply absurd!! And the fact that your agency would want to discuss "open adoption" when you are not even allowed to sit at the table and will be probably the most "active" participant in the open adoption....It really makes you wonder about people's common sense!!


My husband are on the same page about open adoption agreement in exchange for relinquishment...we won't agree to it. We felt the same way about our DD when this was brought up. We're absolutely in favor of an open adoption, but we don't want a parent surrendering their rights as a result of the promise of an open adoption. We feel like it's a problem if we have to close the adoption later.
Oh, phew...I understand. Good luck to DH!!!
I actually would refuse to send DH without you. It is not a good set up doing in. Sure, they can have a meeting without FP's but they can't pick which one to allow. The agency letting bmom do this is just a big of problem bmom's manipulation and power play. I can't see anything good coming out of it. If she doesn't want you physically present and will allow you to participate via phone conference, that might be acceptable, but allowing the bmom to choose which parent comes. No way!
Wow. I've never heard of such a thing before. Everytime I think a division does something odd another story (like this one) tops the previous.
That is awful - You do need to have your voice heard, it is good that your DH and you are on the same page.

I would so want to be there - It is were me I would want DH to have me on the phone and put the phone on the table or in a shirt pocket so I could hear everything.
But the phone better be on "mute" because I am not one to hold back my opinion or to stay quiet where the welfare of my little one is involved (which kind of surprises even me, and everyone thinks that I am a nice, quiet lady :D )
Adopted
Li'l Singer - adopted Nov 2013

Current Placement
Li'l Abner - Li'l Singer's Biological brother
TPR April 2015 - waiting for adoption date
LoveBeingMama said...
That is awful - You do need to have your voice heard, it is good that your DH and you are on the same page.

I would so want to be there - It is were me I would want DH to have me on the phone and put the phone on the table or in a shirt pocket so I could hear everything.
But the phone better be on "mute" because I am not one to hold back my opinion or to stay quiet where the welfare of my little one is involved (which kind of surprises even me, and everyone thinks that I am a nice, quiet lady :D )


I think the phone idea is wonderful. Also DH shouldn't agree to anything! His only answer should be "I need to discuss this with my wife, and when we come to a decision, we will let you know."
I'd do the phone thing. Or a mini recorder so you can hear it all later especially if your DH is like mine and loses things in translation.
That is crazy! Of course bios would much rather deal with me than DH. I am much more reasonable. She should it be allowed to play games at this stage of things.
Send him and make him step out and call you for EVERY decision. They want to make it hard, make it hard.
Foster1Mom said...
Send him and make him step out and call you for EVERY decision. They want to make it hard, make it hard.


I like this. Mom would be getting exactly what she asked for but would not get the power to manipulate with it she was hoping.
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