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I'm super confused at this point of time and have a million questions because we got matched 15 days after our paperwork was approved with a 6 month old baby girl. We expected a longer wait to prepare ourselves mentally etc etc but bang! No baby ever comes at the right time but I was literally in the middle of negotiating a promotion and a full-time position that my boss has wanted me for a long long time. I thought this would be great since if affords me the 4 months adoption leave but now I have to break the news to my Director that I need time off and at best, I can come back part-time. (which is where I am at the moment). 5 years ago, I would've jumped at the chance to be a SAHM, but now that I'm in a job I love and bout to get a promotion we've negotiated a long time for to make sure both parties are happy, I'm struggling so hard with deciding whether to leave or not and if not then what arrangements. I'm not in the job for the pay or the money, I can afford to stay at home, but I do love the job I do and the legacy it leaves behind as well as the opportunity to be staffed at this awesome company with great work life balance. BUT I kinda feel bad that I want to keep this part of my life whilst I've waited to get to this stage in adopting. But I also know myself as the sort who can't just have one focus or I will go completely batty. I have to have 2 or 3 things going before I get bored. I think my employer will be very cool to let me take unpaid time off work and I'm thinking 6 months for her to attach all things being ideal... Too soon? Is this selfish of me especially since this baby is a blessing and a gift?
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After chatting with the husband and meditating - while I tossed and turned in bed, I wondered what was bothering me. And there are so many, but the summary of it is that with the shock of the 2 week wait for placement, I'm not mentally ready at all. I know its a good problem to have but such a strange one since most people I know cannot wait for placement.I think we are deciding that this match isn't going to work because I wouldn't be able to love on the baby as much as I want to in reality because I'm so far left at the moment. And it terrifies when I think about doing it because my head knows what I want to do, to put my heart and soul into giving it the best we can steward and yet I think I don't have the capacity to do it... I feel more at peace about this thinking this way, we're going to wait a few more day to think about this and see if it really is from God the peace in this decision that this isn't supposed to be our baby and this is not our time.I'm sorry if most people would feel its unfair since almost every story I've heard so far is a long wait - so long that we expected at least a year and half wait and not a week and a half. So I thought sharing it might be helpful.Would love to hear the thoughts of those who've been through this journey.
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I know your career seems important now. I am the same way I'm in a job I love dearly and when we adopted our first daughter I was like okay I'd love to stay home but can't. By the time we adopted our 2nd daughter I took a maternity leave. After 6 weeks of knowing what life is truly about I cried for weeks after returning to work. It's still so hard. I mourn that time with my daughter, it was so precious and I realized at that point what my true career was meant to be. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't accept this placement. That's obviously your family decision, I just want to let you know that what you thought you knew about yourself will change when you become a mother. I can tell you my corner office (which I'm currently sitting in) is much less important to me. Both of my daughters came to me very quickly as well but I can assure you that I wouldn't have it any other way. You're always going to be doing "something" when a placement is offered. I wish you the best of luck regardless of what you choose. C -
Millions of children are raised by working mothers who grow and develop to be healthy and happy adults. Having a loving, safe, and stable family; even if mom is working full time, is still having a loving, safe and stable family. Working mom or stay at home mom is really a very personal choice. This debate has been going on for a long time and I'm sure we will find many different opinions here, but ultimately providing a home is what's most important to any child in need. You need to decide what will work for you and your situation. I am a working mom and DH and I have adopted 2 children. I wanted to continue working, I like my job. We chose to open our home to "older" children, partially for this reason. It's worked out great for us. Good luck on your journey!
Thanks everyone for being so encouraging. We did decide, we weren't the right family for the baby this time. And after much deliberation and thought I realize what had happened. After years of infertility and failed progress - despite having been approved a large part of my heart was just closed and resigned ("Yah, I'll try because it is an option we want to pursue, but I don't think it'll happen to us.") But now that we know its reality and hope is certain, I think my mind can move mentally toward nesting and actually preparing and hoping.
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