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Long story short (ready my personal thread if interested), I searched for my BMom two years ago, and while the initial contact seemed to be incredibly positive, things later turned because she decided it was just too hard for her to "go back there" - to the time I was placed and everything she went through then. She has my personal information, and I have never heard from her. While it was hard when there was no return letter, phone call, or a much anticipated face-to-face reunion, I really have tried to fight the negative feelings towards her. I have read many books and have always been in tune with the threads on this site for 2 1/2 years now, so I know it must have been a horrific time in her life that she resists revisiting. I really try to keep an open heart and do not want to block it with negative emotions - like feelings of rejection (which I think would be considered pretty normal, on my end). However, when asked about my BFather and the situation between them, BMom stated that she "..does not want to discuss anything about the birthfather. She said that she simply could not, and has to close the door on that.Ӕ (I believe that it is unlikely that I was conceived from rape, because she mentioned that the BFather came to the hospital to see me when I was born and that he loved me). This makes me really angry because she is keeping me from the other half of me (he was not named on the birth certificate). I have no way - other than hiring a PI at a huge expense (and that may not even be successful) - to learn what I believe is my right as a human being - my health and heritage information. Also, I have no means to contact my BFather and have the opportunity for a relationship. I believe keeping his information from me is unfair and unjust. I have registered on several adoption websites, with the desire to find him. Does anyone out there have any other recommendations or stories about how they got in contact with their BFathers, without a name of any kind/info from BMom? Peace and blessings to everyone!
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I think it's like running a marathon searching because it consumes you to a degree so you have to take a break and look after yourself. It's not for the "faint of heart". I do hope you find what you seek. I followed a hunch and it paid off. I contacted a friend of my adoptive mother because despite her tenacity telling me she didn't know anything my gut told me she did. Follow your instincts. If something no matter how absurd, tells you to look in a certain direction; do it.
Drywall, When I first looked at DNA testing, I called Family Tree, Ancestry, and 23 and Me. I chose 23 because their database was substantially larger than the other two, as far as connecting with others and their dna. Now that 23 cannot decipher medical info from dna anymore (although they give you results and you can then learn how to interpret them), I think I will call again to see the advantages of each. Thank you!
Murphy, I joined the yahoo groups a few months ago and was put in touch with a search angel. I gave her all of my info, including non-identifying info and she could give me no leads or direction. She said to utilized social networking -which I have not tried. I have just registered on lots of sites. How have others used social media sites to locate Birth Family...are there places to register or ways to search on FB and the others?
I was patient with my bmom (even though she wanted nothing to do with me) until I found out that she had lied about my bfather's name for 10 years. When I confronted her with her lie, she reluctantly coughed up the real name. Unfortunately, because of the fact that I was angry with her about the lie (not angry about the adoption), the 2 birth siblings I had met on that side severed ties with me. However, armed with the real BF name, I was able to use DNA testing through 23andme and FamiliytreeDNA to locate him through some cousins. I am going to meet my biodad for the first time in 2 weeks. Wish me luck!
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Ready4BMom, I haven't personally done my searching via Facebook or other social media, so I'm not sure I can be helpful. Do you ONLY have non-ID info, or do you also have names/dates/location information? Someone else might be able to chime in with helpful suggestions...You said you registered various places. Did you also register via the International Soundex Reunion Registry at isrr.org? You mentioned your birth father moved to NY for a time - were you born in New York? Whereabouts? (NYC has a birth registry you could consult if you were born in the 5 boroughs.) Did you try the NY State registry as well?And Reunitedbro - finding your birth father - that's awesome! I hope your first meeting goes really well. You must be so excited (and anxious, if you're anything like me). I hope your reunion brings happiness to you both!
Hello! I only have non-identifying info...paid $150 for it and $700 to search for BMom. That is ridiculous! Anyway, my BFather is not from New York that I know of. My AFather moved there while I was adopted from MN, for internship and then we moved back to MN when I was 3 years old. BMom would not give any info about BFather (too painful to discuss she told case worker - tho do not think anything horrific like rape happened because he went to the hospital to see me when I was born). Also, was told he was not named on original birth certificate. I did register with International Soundex Registry, among others.
If you don't know his name, and the birth "mother" refuses to tell you this info you have the right to know, and his name was never on a birth certificate --- I don't see any possibility of you finding him. The only way would be if he knew the date of birth/etc. and chooses to search registries.
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Ready4BMom, here is a long shot to try to help you identify your b-father.In the final adoption hearing, (records are held in the county where the final adoption took place) there is a record called the Adoption Decree.If the b-mom named the b-father, this will be listed on the adoption decree. However, if the state has closed records, this could be considered identifying info, and withheld.My suggestion is to see what information the court is holding from the time of the final adoption hearing to the present. Contact with the Clerk of that Orphans, or Court of Common Pleas, will help you discover if it is possible for you to get an Adoption Decree. The key is whether or not b-mom named the b-father as a part of the adoption.I wish you the best.
Ready4BMom, here is a long shot to try to help you identify your b-father. In the final adoption hearing, (records are held in the county where the final adoption took place) there is a record called the Adoption Decree. If the b-mom named the b-father, this will be listed on the adoption decree. However, if the state has closed records, this could be considered identifying info, and withheld. My suggestion is to see what information the court is holding from the time of the final adoption hearing to the present. Contact with the Clerk of that Orphans, or Court of Common Pleas, will help you discover if it is possible for you to get an Adoption Decree. The key is whether or not b-mom named the b-father as a part of the adoption. I wish you the best.
I am trying to find my bdad too. I finally had my autosomal DNA run. It's been fun & frustrating. So far I haven't found my bdad but I there have been quite a few 'posts' from people who have found their bfamily through this DNA. I'm hopeful that someday I'll open my computer & have a message that a close relative has been found. This may be another option if all else fails.
Drywall...unfortunately, I was told by the LSS Caseworker that my BFather was not named on the OBC. Petitioning or other would not be helpful in my case, but may be for others.I am down to DNA testing and working to help with legislation in MN, to make sure adoptees have the same right as other - our OBC we should be entitled to.Snuffie - who did you go through for your Autosomal DNA Run?I truly appreciate the support and helping keep me motivated to move forward...kind of a kick in the tush, when life gets so busy. Thanks Drywall and Snuffie!!!
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Drywall...unfortunately, I was told by the LSS Caseworker that my BFather was not named on the OBC. Petitioning or other would not be helpful in my case, but may be for others. I am down to DNA testing and working to help with legislation in MN, to make sure adoptees have the same right as other - our OBC we should be entitled to. Snuffie - who did you go through for your Autosomal DNA Run? I truly appreciate the support and helping keep me motivated to move forward...kind of a kick in the tush, when life gets so busy. Thanks Drywall and Snuffie!!!
Take an AncestryDNA test then search through your matches to piece together a family tree. Upload your DNA to GEDMatch and MyHeritage to find other matches. Look up shared cM of DNA and draw out a family tree.Keep in mind that the man could be a truly heartless jerk. He could also be decent. Or perhaps he won't even bother to respond to you. Consider her reasons when searching.