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Hello:I didnt know where else to turn so here I am. I am 39, my birth daughter turned 18 this past November. Her adoption to her God Parents was a closed adoption. And verbally we agreed she would be told the truth as to why she was placed with them, so she could make an informed decision as an adult as to whether she would want to contact me or not.I was told when I asked, that she was told she was from a surrogate...She was legally adopted by them when she was 3 years old - I was in a bad place with alcohol and am from an abusive background, I loved and still love my birth daughter to my core, I wanted her to have a good life.I maintained contact with the adoptive parents whom I have known since I was 13 - I even have an album of pictures watching her grow up.I am devastated, I am shocked, I have never heard of an adoptive parent telling their adoptive children that they came from a surrogate - I was so blown away I have not spoken to them since the call. I do not know what if anything I can do, I have been clean/sober for over 4 years and I feel like I was erased from this child's life, a child that although not with me physically has been in my heart and on my mind daily since the day she was born - I know I could never be her parent, but I wanted the chance and the hope to have her in my life and I feel like that was taken from me.Any help any advise I would like and I need - you can even email me directly - I need some help coping and knowing what if any options I have available to me..Jennifer tomgrrl28@yahoo.com
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What your daughter's adoptive parents have done is wrong and unkind. One day she may be curious enough to want to contact you assuming she doesn't now. If you wrote a letter to her there is no guarantee she would get the letter. You made mistakes in your life but that doesn't mean you should be punished for that. We all make mistakes, sometimes ones that we are ashamed of, but it doesn't make it right for your daughter's adoptive parents to be dishonest why she was adopted. They may have thought it was a better option than giving a neutral explanation of the truth. They could have given a reason such as it wasn't a good time for you to be a parent and because you love her you let them raise her.
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I'm sorry you have had this shock. Maybe they thought it was a more positive story than the real one... Did they tell you why they told her that story? Take some deep breaths and remember that it doesn't mean that she won't want to see/meet you. The aparents need to know that you won't maintain their fiction if she asks you any questions. Are you able to share the truth about your life with her? Good and bad? If she's 18 you can write her a letter, letting her know that you love her and always have and would like to get to know her.Hang in there!